I need a piece of mind

[Monster.]

I need some major help and just some piece or mind.

My boyfriend and I got into this fight. I was upset because some of my personal belongings had gotten stolen at a mutual friends house. I was really upset and blaming everyone, and I guess I was acting like a real bitch. But to me I just thought I was ranting and trying to get it off my chest. When he brings me back to my house he say that he is done with this and basically breaks up with me. He says that I was being a bitch and hurting him and his friends feelings. Which I don't deny. But was it something really to break up over? I was genuinely upset. Anyway I stay in the car after he tells me to take my stuff and get out and talk to him and try and make him see it isn't worth breaking up over. He agrees and we are currently together. I know he loves me and I love him. But some of the words I can't get out of my head. We had a birthday dinner to go to the night and when we were on our way he said "why do we always fight when we have some where important to go. If we didn't I would be single by now." I asked him why he would say that later and he was like " you know I talk a big game but I would call you the next day and beg for you back." I just don't understand. I am focusing so much on the negative things he said that I can't focus on the positive things he says to me. Even when he says I love you I can't listen to it with out thinking about our fight.


I don't want to feel clingy of like I have to stay and fight for the reasons we should be together. If someone loves you shouldn't stay with you no matter what? I just don't know how to calm my mind and be happier.

[Aletheia*]

I've been in your shoes. Many times, to be honest. My boyfriend is the same way. I spend so much time dwelling on the hurtful things he says that I can't focus on the good things. So, I know exactly what you're going through.

What has helped me is that they're just words. Actions always speak louder, right? You know he loves you, and I'm sure he knows that you love him. We all say things that we don't have or have regretted in the past. Couples fight, and if they didn't, their relationship could be considered abnormal. There isn't a couple in this world, that I know of, that haven't fought a time or two or have disagreed about something.

You had a hard time, and you had a right to be upset. But, we ALL need to think about our words before we speak them. You thought you were ranting, which you had every right to do, but you need to look around you and see the environment you're in. Words can hurt people, and it's pretty obvious that your "rant" has hurt your boyfriend and his friends. I'd be upset too if my personal belongings were stolen right under my nose (which I've also been through. I had my iPod stolen from a friends house after inviting an old friend and his friend over for a party. I won't do that again). But, we just need to reevaluate the situation we're in, the people around us and the words that we want to speak. The same goes for your boyfriend. But, he was upset too, so try not to dwell on the bad things he's said. He obviously loves you very much if he'd call you the next day and beg for your forgiveness. There is no reason to dwell on the past.

[Ambiance]

Shannon really covered it. All couples fight, and you'll be far better off if you allow for the positive things to cancel out the negative. It's only when the negative begins to outweigh the positive that you need to worry.

[PSY]

Is this a cyclical thing, or a one-time deal? If it's cyclical, then honestly, I would reconsider your decision to stay with him. Yes, actions speak louder than words... but that doesn't mean hurtful words should be easily dismissed. It can, in fact, be verbal/emotional abuse, and if this is cyclical (fight -> apologize -> fight -> apologize), then you need to break that cycle, whether it's by establishing new rules/boundaries for your relationship or breaking up and finding someone who won't throw around such hurtful words so frequently.