Help me. I dont want to hurt him, but the relationship is pointless to me.

[helloovee]

You probably havent read my past threads, so Ill explain the situation briefly-
I was dating a boy named Josh for 1 year and 8 months. I absolutely love him, he broke up with me. I never got a solid reason, but I understand that it became difficult to be with me for him, which i have realized recently is due to my attachment for him. My life is a mess and I understand that in order to get Jake back in my life, I must make myself stable.

Thats not the issue..
5 months after the breakup, I now have a new boyfriend, Eric, who I sortof dated out of guilt; we had a thing at first which was not official, and he made me stop thinking of Josh AS MUCH and said that he really wants thing to be official, even though i was very against it.Eventually, i gave in and became his girlfriend.

Recently, I find myself almost calling him by Josh's name. When i lay with him, i look at him and think "who is this? why is this not Josh". When he does things and says things, i think of how Josh wouldve done it differently. When he was here yesterday, i fell asleep and when he woke me up i was crying i dont know why and Eric was so confused. I dont want this, but Eric is so attached to me.

He knows i love josh, and think about josh, and dont take the realationship as serious as he does, but yet he still wants to be with me. He knows that he is infatuated with me, but he doesnt care. i dont want this. i wanted to have fun with him, but now it seems like it should be serious, even though to me it is not.

i still hope that josh and i will end up together, we had a real love. he as an incredible, amazing person and i dont want anybody else. but i dont know if the right thing is to break up with eric..i tried to break up with him twice already but he always says things that make me feel guilty about breaking up with him so i tell him i changed my mind.


on the side note, me and eric have really good sex, and i know he likes it with me alot, so would it be terribly wrong to ask him to be strictly friends with benefits? I still wouldnt be with other guys, i just want to eliminate the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship we have. i dont want to put someone in the place where they feel one thing (him liking me alot)and the other person feels nothing(me loving josh and not caring about eric)

thank you so much for reading this, your opinions are very appreciated.

[Ambiance]

No one can tell you what to do or how to live your life, but I will say this: If you tell him you want friends with benefits, guess what he'll say? he'll say yes, but then still want to date you later. I wouldn't make this messy; if you want to break things off with him, make it a clean break.

As far as Josh goes, do you guys still talk? Do you know how he feels about re-entering a relationship? Is he already in a new one? I wouldn't worry about boys for the time being; you said yourself that you have some you-work that needs to be done. As strange a concept, and as difficult a thing as it may seem, don't try to get back together with Josh until you can stand the thought of being on your own. That way all your work? It won't be for Josh, it will be for you. And if you do get back into a relationship with him, you will go into a much healthier and fun one if you feel this way.

[Lizzie]

Dealing with your first real break up is extremely difficult. It’s one of those things that only takes time and I know that’s not advice anyone wants to hear.
Obviously you know that dating your current boyfriend is not what you hoped it would be. Sure it helped you move on a bit, but you can’t use someone else like that to make you feel better. Espeically since, yes, it will hurt him when you break up with him. Which is my advice to you, you should break up with him. The longer you draw this relationship out, the longer it will hurt him and the longer it will take him to get over you. You clearly care for him and you don’t want him to be in the same position that you are in now.
As for the whole friends with benefits idea. Besides the fact that I think it’s extremely inappropriate for two teenagers still in high school to be having causal sex, he will have an even more difficult time moving on. If you continue to see him and continue to have a physical relationship it will be next to impossible for him to really start the healing process. It in no way shape or form would be healthy for him.
You just need to let go completely. And it’s not easy to do. But, it’s the right thing to do and I know you know that already.

[Nicole!]

You have to decide this for yourself. Are you happy with Eric? Or do you think its a waste of time to be with him? I think the reason why you keep thinking of Josh and can't be too serious with Eric is because you just aren't over Josh yet. 5 months may seem like a long time, but it can sometimes take longer to get over someone who you loved deeply. I know this may seem like a duh statement, but sometimes people think they are over their ex enough to date again, when they really aren't. It might be best to just talk to Eric about this, because it isn't fair to him to lead him on.
Do you still talk to Josh at all? It could be possible that he has completely moved on, and if so then it would be a good decision to try and move on yourself.