Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Need some ideas.. :(

[jenpiglet17]

Trust is so... hard to get from me, but so easy to lose it...
Yesterday I get an email from someone showing me that my BF has an account on a website that hooks you up with other people to have affairs. I check it out.... it's actually him. Now, before we had some issues about him & craigslist, responding/posting ads because he said "It's just for fun and I want to see if other people still find me attractive." I think, why does he need that validation from other people when he gets it from me? Anyways, now I just feel like shit, and wake him up to talk about it. He doesn't lie, tells me about it, but says it's his way of looking at porn instead of the porn websites. Yep, on a website that finds you people to have affairs with in your area. I do believe him when he says he's never cheated, but he always used to tell me when we first started dating that he was a great liar if need be to his parents... (long story, substance abuse.) That little part is in the back of my head going..... if he said that before... how good is he still at it? It's just like my trust for him went down a considerable part. I just don't know what to do.... I used to date a guy that would pull up pictures of girls & tell me to look and be like them etc. & it triggered me to cut even more then. & now, present day Bf is looking at women in our area, not some random chick on a porn site. He's already apologized, & said that it was a huge mistake, went into the whole, "I'm such a terrible person" "I always seem to fuck things up somehow" speech which made me feel bad for even bringing it up because it made him feel like that.
What am I supposed to do... I don't want to leave him, we live together & are getting married next April. I want to somehow gain back my trust for him, but that's on him right now... I just feel lost. We've been through so much.

[Amberpamber]

I'd talk to him, let him know how you feel about him doing this. See if he'll stop and just focus on you. It'll take time but if he's willing then things will work out.

[jenpiglet17]

I hope so

[Nicole!]

Don't let him make you feel guilty, he is doing something that is bothering you and its a good thing that you are telling him this. He seems to know that he shouldn't be doing it, but doesn't want you to make him stop hence the whole guilt trip deal.
You need to tell him what you've just told us, that he shouldn't need other people to find him attractive if he has you. That sounds like a warning to me that he isn't ready to get married. But, this doesn't mean that he isn't ready, but you need to talk to him about it to see how he's feeling.

[how.we.operate.]

Talk to him. That is honestly the best thing to do at this point.
You should let him know what you think about it...even if it means bringing up things like this.
You can also ask if he would remove the account because it bugs you.
Trust is a hard thing to keep when you get hurt in some form...I think you need to let him know that this is hurting your trust in him. He does have to realize that he shouldn't have to be on websites like that if you two are going to get married...plus he should realize that it would bug you.