I screwed it up...

[risaStitchezgroo]

Ashley was my best, closest, most trustworthy friend. I loved her and she loved me. When I told her how I felt, I had a mental breakdown and scared her away. Somehow, she came back to me. We were still in love. Then I had another breakdown and went to the hospital. She went away again. Then she came back again. I wasn't sure how I felt. We had both been changed so much by this whole expirience.
Then, I told her it hurt to talk to her. I said it would be better if we didn't talk anymore. I haven't talked to her since. Today, I'm sitting here, listening to songs that remind me of her. I cannot get her out of my head. I didn't work up the courage enough to delete her number from my phone, and now my fingers are itching to just text and tell her I screwed up. I don't think I deserve another chance to screw it up again, I don't want to keep hurting her, but I just feel so alone without her. I miss her silly smile, and her calling me a freak, her freak.
I really, really just want to talk to her again. What should I do???

[PSY]

Hey there!

I understand that you miss Ashley, but that you're also afraid of hurting her again. I think you need to ask yourself if you're in a good place emotionally/mentally. If you're not, then you need to work on getting better before trying to re-connect with Ashley. It's important to have support, but it's not fair to put someone through all of this when you genuinely believe it's likely to happen again. So talk to your parents and other trusted adults. Get professional help, and start working toward your recovery. When you're feeling like you can handle it, contact Ashley, tell her about all the wonderful progress you have made, and hope that she will want to be present in your life again. If she doesn't, then at least you can feel better knowing that you were able to show her you're improving and that you're sorry for everything that happened before you began to work toward recovery.

[niente_]

Maybe text her and tell her what you've told us! Say sorry for hurting her but that you don't want to hurt her anymore and you're not sure what to do ... maybe she can tell you whether she wants to come back, or whether she's moving on ...