"Friends with Benefits"?

[Tori May]

Okay, so this is kind of a long story, so I'm saying sorry in advance. Just please read. I really need help.
About a year ago I met this guy. We will say his name is "Lance". We grew up together, and then when we got in grade school he moved away to Perkins, but moved back in middle school. We didn't really talk much, until the very last day of school, and the last day of him being an 8th grader and me being a 7th grader. He had been flirting with me all day at school, and I won't lie, I loved it. I was extremely happy when he text me later that night. Well, we got to talking, and I agreed to sneak out and meet him somewhere. When I met him at the spot I was suppose to meet him at, we immidately started making out. (Stupid, I know.) He was giving me signs of him wanting to go farther, so I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He told me no. I ended up losing my virginity to him that night.
A couple of weeks later I was on facebook and saw that he was in a relationship with a girl from Perkins. We will call her "Lori". I called Lance and asked him if it were true, and if he had been in a relationship with her the night we had sex. He told me yes to both questions, but he begged me not to be mad and not to leave him. And I didn't. But soon I began to feel like his "sex slave". We would hang out every weekend, and every chance we could we would have sex. I soon pulled the "I love you" phrase on him and to my surprise, he said it back. I told him my darkest secrets and trusted him with everything. He even wrote me and love poem, and helped me get through some serious problems and told me he would always be there for me. And this whole time, he's dating Lori.
I knew our "relationship" was wrong, but I loved him, and I couldn't force myself to walk away. And then one night I decided I had had enough. So I made a fake profile, emailed his girlfriend, and told her everything. His girlfriend told him about it and I almost lost him. I lied and told him it was one of my friends, and he believed me and gave me another chance. But a couple of weeks ago his girlfriend emailed me again saying that I did some things that I didn't do, and she pushed me over the edge and I ended up saying some very hateful things to her. Of course, she showed Lance. And once again, he is mad and is saying I've done nothing but screw up their relationship and calling me horrible names and saying that if he loses Lori, he'll have someone beat me up. And I've begged and begged for him to forgive me, (I know, I'm stupid.) but he won't listen.

I need help. Desperately. I hate him, but I love him all at the same time. I want him to dissappear, but then again I don't want to lose him. I just don't know what to do anymore? So someone please give me some advice!

[Iris. ♥]

I know this probably isn't what you want to hear, but Lance is NOT a good person for you to be around. I don't mean to sound harsh, but it seems like he only wants you for sex. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve to be with someone that is going to love you, and only you, for who you are. I know that sounds like a cliche, but there's a reason people say it so much. IT'S TRUE. Also, you did nothing wrong. His girlfriend deserved to know that he was not being faithful. Just like you, she deserves more than that. If anyone messed up his relationship, it was him. So, don't let yourself feel guilty for that. Instead, put this boy behind you and move on to someone single who cares about you and not just your body.

[Revolution]

Hey Tori,

I'm so sorry what has happened to you. Something very similar happened to me when I was your age, and it feels absolutely awful. Honestly, you may not like my advice. But I would stop seeing him. He obviuosly does not have your interest in mind, but was instead using you for sex, and possibly his other girlfriend as well. Both of you were being played, and it is neither of your faults. I know it's easy to feel like you love him, but what he did to you, he does not deserve your love.

Maybe in a few years, he'll be mature enough to have a relationship with you. But right now, you need to take care of yourself, make sure that you are healthy, make sure you are taking care of your emotional and physical state. You have school, friends, you do not need to have him to be complete.

Hope that helped a bit! I'm so sorry this happened, but in the end, I bet it will just make you a stronger person.

[Amber]

Not going to lie, but Lance sounds like a butt. :/

You deserve way better than what he's doing to you. It's not fair to you OR her that he's in two relationships at once. I know you might like him a lot but in the end he's just a slight dirtbag. I would advise telling him to leave you alone and you just walk away from him. It's not YOUR fault for their relationship getting messed up because you're doing what any other girl would do. If I was in this situation I would have done the same thing as you, no questions asked. So I believe it's time to leave him and find someone a hundred times better than that. Someone that will be with you for you and not just for sex and having a good time.

[goldenslumbers]

This guy sounds like a complete asshole. He doesn't deserve you or any girl for that matter. My advice would just be to keep out of him and his girlfriend's way, just keep your head down and don't stir anything up. If you're worried about him following through with these threats you should talk to a parent, teacher, or even the police. What he's doing is NOT acceptable.
I know you must be going through a lot of pain right now, but time will heal the damage! One day you'll find someone who will treat you amazingly like you deserve, and this Lance guy will be just a bad memory.

[Jeromak]

are you still texting each others ?

Originally Posted by Tori May

Okay, so this is kind of a long story, so I'm saying sorry in advance. You really just need to go to teenforum if you need serious relationship. Just please read. I really need help.
About a year ago I met this guy. We will say his name is "Lance". We grew up together, and then when we got in grade school he moved away to Perkins, but moved back in middle school. We didn't really talk much, until the very last day of school, and the last day of him being an 8th grader and me being a 7th grader. He had been flirting with me all day at school, and I won't lie, I loved it. I was extremely happy when he text me later that night. Well, we got to talking, and I agreed to sneak out and meet him somewhere. When I met him at the spot I was suppose to meet him at, we immidately started making out. (Stupid, I know.) He was giving me signs of him wanting to go farther, so I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He told me no. I ended up losing my virginity to him that night.
A couple of weeks later I was on facebook and saw that he was in a relationship with a girl from Perkins. We will call her "Lori". I called Lance and asked him if it were true, and if he had been in a relationship with her the night we had sex. He told me yes to both questions, but he begged me not to be mad and not to leave him. And I didn't. But soon I began to feel like his "sex slave". We would hang out every weekend, and every chance we could we would have sex. I soon pulled the "I love you" phrase on him and to my surprise, he said it back. I told him my darkest secrets and trusted him with everything. He even wrote me and love poem, and helped me get through some serious problems and told me he would always be there for me. And this whole time, he's dating Lori.
I knew our "relationship" was wrong, but I loved him, and I couldn't force myself to walk away. And then one night I decided I had had enough. So I made a fake profile, emailed his girlfriend, and told her everything. His girlfriend told him about it and I almost lost him. I lied and told him it was one of my friends, and he believed me and gave me another chance. But a couple of weeks ago his girlfriend emailed me again saying that I did some things that I didn't do, and she pushed me over the edge and I ended up saying some very hateful things to her. Of course, she showed Lance. And once again, he is mad and is saying I've done nothing but screw up their relationship and calling me horrible names and saying that if he loses Lori, he'll have someone beat me up. And I've begged and begged for him to forgive me, (I know, I'm stupid.) but he won't listen.

I need help. Desperately. I hate him, but I love him all at the same time. I want him to dissappear, but then again I don't want to lose him. I just don't know what to do anymore? So someone please give me some advice!

I think maybe time will help but I really don't know what to tell you as a feel any actions could make it even worse. I have sympathy for you because a friend of mine went through almost the same story. Alternatively try not to stop seing other boys, and jump on any opportunity to forget him. Take care

[Megan1]

If he is capable of hurting her like that by cheating on her, there is no reason to think that he won't do that to you too. Plus, the fact that he is blaming you and threatening to have someone beat you up shows his real character. It takes 2 people to have sex, so it's his fault too....and any guy who would beat up a girl for any reason (except maybe self defense) is a guy to stay away from. I know that it's hard, because I used to have the same feelings for a guy who was a jerk. We didn't even date or "do anything" and it was still hard to get over...but I promise it can go away. My advice is to stay away from him all together. Please feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.

[onone]

Were you aware of him dating someone when you were having sex with him? If so then you are both in the wrong IMO, since you both should've known better.

If it were me I would want nothing to do with him. There's nothing worse than some cock happy lad riding other lasses while in a relationship, because it always comes back to us, the good guys who seem to get tarred with the same brush - I quote Facebook statuses "All guys are complete wastes of space!" - I think what she really meant was since her boyfriend did something bad we are ALL bad, which is not the case.

[minniemouseprincess]

No hun, you gotta stay away from Lance. He sounds like he's not only a dirtbag like everyone else has said, but also possibly mentally unstable to threaten you like that. He IS using you for sex. He doesn't care about you the way a guy should. He told you all those things (all the good things) so he wouldn't lose you. He didn't mean them dude=( I'm sorry, but you gotta let him go. Its not good for you. I don't want to see you get hurt ether. Just stop talking to him, cut off all contact. This isn't real love. Real love is when BOTH people love each other. When BOTH people are dating each other. When BOTH people mean it when they say they care. Someday, you'll find this person and it will be great. It will be the real deal, not like anything you have ever experienced before. You never know when this will happen, but someday I KNOW it will.