I trust her...but not women.

[Brandon]

I know that it doesn't make much sense for me to say that I trust my girlfriend, and yet I don't trust women.

Last night, my girlfriend and I had a very emotional talk and I told her that I trusted her because I love her more than anything in the world, but I don't trust her at the same time simply because she's a woman.

The reason for this is because it was one of the ways that I dealt with being single...I've learned to not trust women with relationships because I know that they have absolute power when it comes to relationships. Women have absolute power over men because...unless I'm one of the most attractive men that a woman has ever seen, I don't get pursued by women. My girlfriend gets pursued by men because society says that it's socially acceptable for a man to pursue a woman; therefore, my girlfriend usually knows fully well which male likes her, and which male doesn't. This create an advantage over me because I don't know which girl likes me because I'm never pursued. If I were to consider cheating on my own girlfriend, I would have to find a woman who either:

a) throws herself at me
b) I throw myself at her
c) prostitution
d) it wouldn't happen

Therefore, ultimately...the chance of me cheating on my girlfriend is considerably much less of a chance that my girlfriend would cheat on me. Not only does my girlfriend has guy friends, but she's also bi-sexual. While it may be attractive for a woman to be bi-sexual, dating a bi-sexual is a different story when a woman could cheat on you with either gender. Because I'm heterosexual, I could only limit the playing field to women, therefore decreasing the amount of opportunity to cheat on my girlfriend by a significant amount. Her, on the other hand, has opportunity on a wide scale.

I feel horrible; in fact, I cried when I told her that I trust her, but I don't trust her because she's a woman. Women can be master manipulators, and I find it very difficult to get over the possibility of her cheating on me when she claims that she would never cheat on me. With the amount of evidence that goes against my philosophy, I still believe that women can still cheat on you regardless of what they say or do. Because she's got so much opportunity out there, her chance of making a mistake goes up. She may not intend for something bad to happen, but if she's with someone at the wrong time and feels the wrong way, corruption always has a possibility of taking control of the best of us and making us do things that we'll later regret. With all my heart, I don't want her to cheat on me because I know that if she does...our relationship is over. I would end it.

As a result of all this, I have been psychologically hurting myself. I've became a possessive boyfriend who simply doesn't do things without having more reason to it. I've been clingy, I can admit, but that's because she came into my life when I hit rock bottom and she pulled me up...why shouldn't I feel that way? I'm going insane. I want to be able to look her in the eyes and know that she would never do such a thing, but my mind always brings back the possibilities of her manipulating me from her amount of advantage over me. I'm vulnerable, I'm emotional, and I just don't think that my girlfriend and I will continue to be a fantastic couple unless I am able to stop the fire before it spreads. I need help...please help me.

[ReluctantPegasister]

I'm no expert. You do sound clingy and cruel- holding your woman against the standards of society and then blaming her for it. It's not her fault she knows when she's being perused, anymore then it is her fault for being bisexual. You might have some self-esteem issues to work out in addition to your issues with women. Remind yourself that your girlfriend is currently with you, not with someone else, and you should rejoice in that fact, not sulk in the 'what ifs' simply for the crime of being a woman.

[Aletheia*]

I couldn't have said it better myself than the above poster did! You shouldn't hold your girlfriend to the "standards of society". As hard as it might seem to understand, not all girls want to get with every guy that pursues him. It's not her fault that guys pursue her or that she's bi-sexual. She didn't wake up one morning and decide that ALL these guys were going to pursue her, or wake up one morning and decide to be bi-sexual. She's currently with YOU, and I sense some big self-confidence issues, which totally isn't like you at all. You come off as this confident guy. Don't wallow in the "what ifs" as the above poster also said. Being a woman ISN'T a crime, but this is basically what you're saying about your girlfriend and the rest of the female population. We didn't choose to be woman, lol. That was sort of decided for us in the womb! It isn't fair for your girlfriend to be held by "society standards", especially if she hasn't given you any reason to feel this way, and I don't think she has or we would have heard about it before.

Nobody said you have to trust other woman. Trust should be built, and I can see WHY you have a hard time trusting woman, but believe me, not all girls want to cheat on their significant others.

[Brandon]

You know...you're right. I talked with her about it, and I think I'm gonna come to terms with it...I have no reason not to trust her. She was born a woman, and she did think it was fucked up that I would think that way but I apologized and I sincerely hope that I can recover.

As far as my self-confidence goes, I am a pretty self-confident guy, but when your heart is on the line...it's kind of a more complex situation to be in, I think. Our 9 month anniversary was yesterday, and I anticipate on marrying this woman and raising a family. I am fairly self-confident that we'll get far in life, but there was always that possibility of it not working out that was following me like a shadow.

[bigwheel]

OP - Great post. This isn't an unusual situation (minus the gf being bi-sexual, i can imagine why that caused further paranoia).

The problem you have is that: you cannot see/feel/know what is going on in the mind of your partner and you try to fill in the blanks. You wonder how much she loves you, you wonder if she'd ever cheat on you? And if she cheated, would she lie about it?

Man, i've been in the same boat with every relationship i've ever had, and you know what? It absolutely kills the relationship. I originally came to this website when i was 15. At age 22, i'm still here (though not as much at all now).

You need to take a step back and calm down. I recently found out my gf of 3/4 months lied to me about how many guys she'd slept with, and she said she lied to ''protect me'' because she knows i get upset with her past sometimes. My gf's 2nd boyfriend asked her to text him and to get back with her but she didn't.

She stayed with me. Why? Because the past is gone and you cannot change it, but you can learn from it. Almost 10 years of failed relationships and i can tell you, i've learnt from the past.

Don't accuse your girlfriend so much, sure, if you have a question just ask her, but don't go on about it all the time. The sad fact is, you would lose her if you did that.

I was so mad at my girlfriend for lying to me. Like....REAL MAD. But i realized it was the past anyway and she was with me now. She does so much for me, she cooks, cleans, buys me gifts on birthdays and christmas's and i know she loves me. She introduced me to her parents and her cousin tells me that she talks about me all the time.

Just enjoy your time with this girl and i'm sure everything will be ok. Don't think so deeply (even though it's easier said than done).

[Aletheia*]

I'm glad you were able to talk to her about it and let her know your true feelings. Even though it might hurt her to hear that "being a woman is a crime" (even if you didn't use those same words), communication is extremely important if you want things to be resolved.

Now, your feelings about it "not working out" are very normal and natural feelings to have. You anticipate marrying her and starting a family, but there is ALWAYS a chance that might not happen (I don't mean this in a mean way or trying to freak you out. It's just the truth I speak). I've always known you to be a pretty confident guy, and your feelings aren't unnatural. Nobody's feelings are. You had a genuine concern, and you reached out for help. Having your heart out there isn't an easy task to do, but I think it's time that you see that all woman aren't the same, your girlfriend included. I've heard nothing but nice things about her FROM you, and she's like a wonderful girl. Bang that through your head so you continue to remember that she loves YOU, and nobody else.

[AmazonQueen]

I think you are creating your own problems here. YOU trained yourself to think this way, so train yourself to stop. Men can just as easily cheat on a woman. If you theory is correct, so woman are unfaithful because they get perused well all those men who do pursue are getting laid by other people's girlfriends...it kind of balances out. I'm not judging you or trying to make you feel like crap, but this theory is a little silly. Also men can be just as manipulative, not just women so I think it'd help a lot if you realized this. I'm glad to hear you talked again with your girlfriend and I'm sure you'll recover just fine. Like I said you just need to retrain yourself to think differently. Everyone is capable of doing bad, you just have to trust the ones that matter won't. Goodluck.