Female Advice Preferred: Okay, hopefully this will get my point across.

[Teddy Bear]

As you all may be aware, I've been starting some threads about needing help with girls. Well, I do appreciate everyone's help, but I believe they may be answering the wrong question. It seems to me that people think that I just want to flirt, get attention from, and just overall have many different girls wanting me. Well, that was only just about 10% of my problem. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not just looking for one-time things, but I want an actual relationship. Yeah, getting them interested and just flirting is fun once in a while, and I know all of that is necessary in an actual relationship, but I just can't seem to find a girl that will ever give me a chance with her. And when I do, I'm too busy for her because I'm a total slave to my teachers. I bought a little plastic Japanese lucky cat (for $2.00, and it's not even authentic!) thinking that it would help me with girls, but now my "luck" has increased to girls rejecting me all the time because they're too busy, not because they're not interested. And they're not lying just to avoid saying no because I can tell. I just hope that little plastic cat wasn't a waste of $2...

[Tyr.]

I've never understood why guys keep starting threads with "Female Advice Preferred" in the title when they are asking for advice for getting girls.

Do you think a police officer goes to the insurance salesman for advice on how to be the best police officer?

girls rejecting me all the time because they're too busy, not because they're not interested. And they're not lying just to avoid saying no because I can tell

Acheron, is this going to have to be a tag-team effort?

Teddy Bear, could you at least edit your entire thread so it makes a bit more sense, I'm not even sure what you are trying to ask us.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by Yogi

Acheron, is this going to have to be a tag-team effort?

Sure looks like it.

Ian, I'm not entirely sure what you're asking. In fact, I'm not sure whether you're asking a question or just venting. But I'll try to provide some insight into what I think you're talking about.

First, your problem with the advice you've been given previously. I'll admit that when I give advice to guys like you, I tend to frame it in terms of "how to flirt and attract female attention" rather than "how to find a nice girlfriend". But in fact, there's not much difference at all. Generally, where a girl's hindbrain leads, her heart will follow. The minor difference is that it helps to show a little vulnerability. Emphasis on a little, because at the moment you're probably showing too much vulnerability and not enough steel.

Second, I wouldn't put too much faith in your intuition when it tells you that these girls really are too busy for a relationship. People will sacrifice a lot for an exciting new partner, and so the underlying meaning of the vast majority of such excuses is "I'm not attracted to you".

The feeling I'm getting is that you haven't acted on the advice given to you in previous threads.

[Amber]

I'm a female and here it goes.

The cat was most definitely a waste of two dollars. You shouldn't buy a plastic toy for luck, you just need to have some confidence in yourself. You need to flirt with the girl in order to get somewhere with her in order to get into a relationship. You can't just walk up to a girl and be like "yo, be my girlfriend" without any kind of interaction beforehand. It's just not how it works.

They don't reject you because they're too busy, they reject you because they aren't interested. I personally will not go on a date if I'm not interested and if I am interested I will clear my schedule as soon as I possibly can just to hang out with the guy.

[Nicole!]

Originally Posted by Yogi

I've never understood why guys keep starting threads with "Female Advice Preferred" in the title when they are asking for advice for getting girls.

We can be helpful believe it or not, sometimes its good to get another female's perspective on something like this.

I think you just haven't found the right girl yet. My advice is to just talk to lots of girl for now (even if its just to have a friendship) and get to know them. Find a girl you like, and just try asking her on a date. If you just sit around hoping a relationship will come about, it won't happen.
Remember that you can be happy and single as well. You don't need someone else necessarily. You're only 16, a relationship will happen but who knows when. Just don't stress yourself out looking for a girlfriend.

[Teddy Bear]

Originally Posted by Acheron

Sure looks like it.

Ian, I'm not entirely sure what you're asking. In fact, I'm not sure whether you're asking a question or just venting. But I'll try to provide some insight into what I think you're talking about.
The feeling I'm getting is that you haven't acted on the advice given to you in previous threads.

Well, I'll elaborate on what I mean. I get your advice and I know what you mean. I've just been afraid to try it out because it just appears that following your advice would merely get girls to think I'm hot and want me purely for the sex appeal, not for my kind, teddy-bear personality. I know that physical attraction is what gets girls interested, and I need to work on that (I actually lost 15 pounds this summer, but I still have a ways to go), but I want them to actually like me for my personality, not just my looks. I've been complaining a lot about this. I hope I'm not bothering anybody with this.

[how.we.operate.]

Alright from a girl's view...
1. Yes the cat was a waste of $2. How is that supposed to help you with getting a girl?
2. If you are too busy, then you do need to learn to make time for your teachers AND her.
3. Looks vs personality: there are girls that are all for looks, there are girls all for personality, and there will be those that look for both.
4. An actual relationship...well go look. In order to find someone that is worth your time, you need to get out there and get to know her. Usually that is one of the best ways to find someone who wants a relationship.

Also, be patient. Everyone has their list of what they want out of people...meaning you may find a girl that fits most of what you want, but you may not fit what she wants. Therefore, it will take time.

[Teddy Bear]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

Alright from a girl's view...
1. Yes the cat was a waste of $2. How is that supposed to help you with getting a girl?
2. If you are too busy, then you do need to learn to make time for your teachers AND her.
3. Looks vs personality: there are girls that are all for looks, there are girls all for personality, and there will be those that look for both.

Also, be patient. Everyone has their list of what they want out of people...meaning you may find a girl that fits most of what you want, but you may not fit what she wants. Therefore, it will take time.

Well, the cat was supposed to be a confidence boost. If I could believe that it would work, then I would've come off as more confident, which is what girls like, right? Second, not only do I not have time for a relationship, I don't even have my permit, so I can't drive anywhere. I'm 16 and I can't even drive yet! I haven't had time to even peek at my traffic law book, and when I do, I can't remember anything in it! Not having a license, to the girls in my school, is one of the most unsexiest things they could think of, and I'm the only one in my grade who can't drive yet! And looks vs. personality, well, I know a lot of girls in my grade who are real sweethearts. They're really nice, and I get along with almost all of them. So it would be hard to believe how sex-crazed they are! When they see a guy they think is hot, they immediately want to sleep with him, and they usually do, and it rips me apart because these guys don't ever care about them at all, and their throwing their dignity away because they're too obsessed with looks. And patience, I'm in an unbelievable hurry to find love because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'm gonna be lonely until girls get old and aren't beautiful anymore, because they always go for the best they can get, and they want the thugs, jocks, and the insensitive guys. All the girls I know who are different than that are already taken and have been for a long time.

[Composure]

Dude. I don't have a license. I'm 19. It's just something you have to work around. It's handy having it; but hardly necessary.

You do need to harden up. Despite not finding "the right girl", if you want a girlfriend right now, you need to forget about the teddy-bear personality thing; that's a mystery as far as girls are concerned - they should know about only after you have hooked them.

If you can be cool, calm and collected, without coming off as desperate or needy, you're in for a shot.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

As you all may be aware, I've been starting some threads about needing help with girls. Well, I do appreciate everyone's help, but I believe they may be answering the wrong question. It seems to me that people think that I just want to flirt, get attention from, and just overall have many different girls wanting me. Well, that was only just about 10% of my problem. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not just looking for one-time things, but I want an actual relationship. Yeah, getting them interested and just flirting is fun once in a while, and I know all of that is necessary in an actual relationship, but I just can't seem to find a girl that will ever give me a chance with her. And when I do, I'm too busy for her because I'm a total slave to my teachers. I bought a little plastic Japanese lucky cat (for $2.00, and it's not even authentic!) thinking that it would help me with girls, but now my "luck" has increased to girls rejecting me all the time because they're too busy, not because they're not interested. And they're not lying just to avoid saying no because I can tell. I just hope that little plastic cat wasn't a waste of $2...

The biggest mistake that people make is not understanding the difference between "putting yourself out there" and trying to "find a woman." If you're looking for a relationship, you can't just go around wearing a lucky hat and expecting a woman to pop out of no where and start dating you. If you want a relationship, you and her have to have things in common; this means that you either need to become friends first, or you can learn more about them before dating them. I met my girlfriend over a dating service and I've been dating her for over 9 months now. In no way was I actively pursuing women, however. I made an account and mostly replied to messages. I put myself in the market telling women that I'm interested in dating, but I wasn't anticipating anything to happen because I wasn't trying to find someone. Ultimately, the women will find you. Sometimes you do get lucky trying to find a girl that's willing to date you, but if you want a real relationship...you have to understand that it's about long-term and not short-term. Having one girlfriend for a long period of time is much better than having several girlfriends for short periods of time, because the more women break up with you...the more hope you'll lose and assume that there's no woman out there for you. You don't need every woman to like you...you just need one. Unfortunately, you haven't came across that woman yet, but if you put yourself out there...sign up for dating services, become good friends with females...I'm sure an opportunity will come up at some point.

[how.we.operate.]

Originally Posted by Teddy Bear

Well, the cat was supposed to be a confidence boost. If I could believe that it would work, then I would've come off as more confident, which is what girls like, right? Second, not only do I not have time for a relationship, I don't even have my permit, so I can't drive anywhere. I'm 16 and I can't even drive yet! I haven't had time to even peek at my traffic law book, and when I do, I can't remember anything in it! Not having a license, to the girls in my school, is one of the most unsexiest things they could think of, and I'm the only one in my grade who can't drive yet! And looks vs. personality, well, I know a lot of girls in my grade who are real sweethearts. They're really nice, and I get along with almost all of them. So it would be hard to believe how sex-crazed they are! When they see a guy they think is hot, they immediately want to sleep with him, and they usually do, and it rips me apart because these guys don't ever care about them at all, and their throwing their dignity away because they're too obsessed with looks. And patience, I'm in an unbelievable hurry to find love because I'm afraid that if I don't, I'm gonna be lonely until girls get old and aren't beautiful anymore, because they always go for the best they can get, and they want the thugs, jocks, and the insensitive guys. All the girls I know who are different than that are already taken and have been for a long time.

The only way you will truly boost your confidence is by actually believing in yourself...not a toy cat.
Driving is not a huge issue. How do you even know it is the "unsexiest thing" at your school?
You need to learn to manage your time if you are going to try for a relationship. What girl is going to want a relationship with a guy who is too busy for her and can't learn to manage his time? Yes this is a bit harsh, but it is honest. I'm dating a guy and I hate it when he doesn't manage his time wisely. In order for a good relationship to actually happen and to stick, you WILL need to learn the importance of balancing your time.
Looks vs personality...this ties into the issue about patience:
You are rushing it...a lot. You are 16. This is generally how it will be in high school. You may find a girl or two that are what you are looking for, but honestly, high school is full of drama and just what you aren't looking for. You don't need to rush into a relationship.
I find this, "I'm gonna be lonely until girls get old and aren't beautiful anymore", to be pretty...offensive. Okay...at what age do you think girls aren't beautiful anymore? I read your posts out loud to my boyfriend. His advice: wait till you get to college or at least past high school. He also said, "of course girls shrivel up at 17". Reality, no they don't. If you want to find a girl, you do need to do a self-evaluation on what you want in life, a relationship, and from a girl. You also need to readjust your views...especially about looks, personality, and beauty.

[Teddy Bear]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

Okay...at what age do you think girls aren't beautiful anymore?

Mid to late 30's. And sorry if you found that offensive. I'm just always stressed out because I have almost no sense of time. It always moves faster when I don't expect it. Sometimes, hours can go by and it feels like only a few minutes. When I'm doing homework and stuff like that, I'm constantly keeping an eye on the clock to make sure I'm not lagging behind. I know these are just short-time things, but I'm afraid of these becoming long-term. And even if not being able to drive wasn't sexy to girls at my school, I still need to, because my parents are divorced and my mom is working 60+ hours a week. Plus, I would feel kinda embarassed needing a ride to take a girl out when everyone else can drive. Also, I'm worried that if the girls I'm used to are as picky as they are, how are they gonna be like in college? Plus, if I'm as busy as I am in high school now, and my workload just keeps getting worse, college is gonna be unbearable. Maybe it's just my community. After all, the athletes there are worshipped and girls kiss the ground they walk on. I just want a girl who doesn't care to chase guys all the time and just wants to feel appreciated. Yeah, I agree with Acheron on some of his advice. I need to toughen up a bit, and stop being so soft. I guess what I need to do now is find some way to fix my mistakes. I'm friends with almost every girl in my grade, but I guess that's what made me so unattractive in the first place. Also, when people say that I don't need lots of girls chasing me, and that I only need one, I think they have the wrong idea. I just want some options, girls that would potentially go out with me. So far, none of them do. First, I gotta find a way to get my homework done licketty-split and my other commitments taken care of first. I just get overwhelmed at the amout of stuff I have to do.

[Ibanez]

Why do you even feel the need to have a girlfriend? The reason I ask is your intention is important for your mindset. You can act as confident and cocky as you want, but in the end that's what matters. Your entire persona comes off as a child who only wants to be held. That sort of neediness is the biggest female repellant I can think of. You seem to only want a girl so you can have some sort of support system in your life. You think you can, but you can't rely on girls to make you happy. If you try going into a relationship with the mindset that she'll make you feel better, you'll only get destroyed and/or manipulated.

You complain how girls at your school are shallow and only want one type of guy, meanwhile you say you want to get a girl before they get old and unattractive (which is true). You say you want a good looking girl (which is naturally right) but then lament girls who want an attractive guy. You see your hypocrisy here? Get off your moral high horse and understand that dating is a marketplace. And of course girls want to have sex with guys, teenagers have rampant sex drives. Girls aren't anywhere near the innocent little creatures you believe them to be. I really think you need to understand that.

Oh, and your busy schedule and lack of a drivers license really are miniscule. If girls are that big of a deal, you could sacrifice some of your workload instead of giving in and embracing this "woe is me" attitude. You're just reaching for excuses.

[Teddy Bear]

You know, maybe I should just let this problem be and maybe it'll sort itself out. I've got too much to worry about already. I should just figure this out one problem at a time. But first, I understand how you would see some hypocrisy in what I've been saying. What I mean is that girls at my school don't care if the guys they think are sexy are nothing but trouble. They only care for their looks and couldn't care any less about their personality. I know I've been worried about girls getting old, which contradicts what I've been saying, but what I mean by that is that I'm more worried about them getting more and more shallow as they get older. The difference between me and the girls at my school is that even though looks do have a slight influence on my choice in girls, I care more about personality and my idea of a pretty girl is actually very general. But again, I have too much work to do. I should just forget about dating, period. At least until my teachers stop treating me like a slave and I can finally have my freedoms back when I'm 18. Also, I don't wanna look like a bad guy. I just have a hard time explaining my thoughts.

[SM13]

I'm a girl and my advice is be friends first. I've had one bf (now ex bf) and he was my absolute best friend b4 we started dating it lasted almost a year. He had the Teddy bear personality but was also tough (if that makes sense) like a very sweet and loyal friend to his friends and bf to me but yet if somebody hurt me or his friends well they wouldn't be a happy camper. But then the only drawback of being friends or vest friends first is that if you break up you often times will lose the friendship. Nothing can go back to how it was before no matter how hard you try.

[MadPoet]

Can I just be blunt here? I really think that girls aren't your problem here. I think that your problem is low self esteem, and the popular belief that having a relationship will make you feel better about yourself. Honestly, that is the only thing that I can think of. Sure, we all want relationships at times, and we expect that we wouldn't be so lonely if we were in one. But there's no reason to be desperate for a relationship, or desperate for a girl to notice you. Why should it matter? And if relationships were the problem for you, it could be that you are spending more time wondering how to get a relationship and wondering why girls don't notice you than putting the effort out there to get to know someone and find a relationship.

I will admit, recently I've been in a state of depression due to the lack of a relationship, or having ever had a relationship. It sucks when your friends all have someone special, but you don't. But it's not something to consistently worry about. Yes, relationships are important and they are worth having. But they are not worth every thought, every worry, and every moment of your time.

I've always firmly believed that in order to be completely happy in a relationship, you first must be relatively happy while being single. This doesn't mean you have to settle for being single. It means that while you would like a relationship, you're not going to be unhappy with your life when you don't have one. This is much better than having the attitude that you must always have a relationship in order to be happy.

I think there's a lot more than the lack of a relationship going on here. You owe it to yourself to find happiness, and that doesn't always come in the form of a relationship.

[Teddy Bear]

Originally Posted by MadPoet

Yes, relationships are important and they are worth having. But they are not worth every thought, every worry, and every moment of your time.

I've always firmly believed that in order to be completely happy in a relationship, you first must be relatively happy while being single. This doesn't mean you have to settle for being single. It means that while you would like a relationship, you're not going to be unhappy with your life when you don't have one. This is much better than having the attitude that you must always have a relationship in order to be happy.

I think there's a lot more than the lack of a relationship going on here. You owe it to yourself to find happiness, and that doesn't always come in the form of a relationship.

Yeah. I guess that makes sense. And also, I did do the school talent show and I was a hit. I did a ventriloquist act. I guess that may have been a way for me to get out there. But another thing I worry about is if I do get a chance at a relationship, I'm still too busy with school, and I always will be. I need to find a way to get my homework done quickly.