Erm...Boyfriend tends to get jealous?

[how.we.operate.]

So quick summary-
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under 2 years. In the past year, there have been 2 guys that have tried to...well for lack of words...break us apart. Of course my boyfriend got overly protective over the fact that he might lose me, but he seems to be very...stubborn. By this I mean that no matter what the situation is or how much someone (including me) will try to explain something to him, he still holds his position and refuses to budge. Now I know it sounds like every person, but with most people you will at least start to reason with them about something. It seems like with my boyfriend there is no reasoning with him.

Now lately, I have been talking to a guy that goes to my university and hangs out in the same group that I hang out in. We have been able to open up to each other about a lot...such as relationship issues, thoughts, hardships, and our pasts but he respects my relationship/boundaries. Also, we start hanging out a lot - for example, he has a passion for good food and I like good food, so we went to a market to get fresh food (while my boyfriend eats junk as in spaghetti o's straight from the can).

Meanwhile, my boyfriend decides that because I am hanging out with this guy so much...it means that something is going on to him. He got...rather terrible advice to not approach either the guy or me about this and to see what happens. Apparently this did fuel his jealously, so he did ask me what I thought about the advice (of not approaching either person). I told him the best way is just to ask so he did ask.
I just told him that the guy confides in me and finds me to be a great, true friend at college.

Now...here are my questions:
Do all guys get like that (in terms of jealousy)?
I am debating telling my boyfriend that I confide in the guy too...would he be upset that I am able to confide in another guy rather than himself?
The guy and I are going to talk about this situation more, but he has offered to talk to my boyfriend. Would this be a good idea?

[Aletheia*]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

Now...here are my questions:
Do all guys get like that (in terms of jealousy)?
I am debating telling my boyfriend that I confide in the guy too...would he be upset that I am able to confide in another guy rather than himself?
The guy and I are going to talk about this situation more, but he has offered to talk to my boyfriend. Would this be a good idea?

Do all guys get like that (in terms of jealousy)?
In my personal opinion, no. Some people may argue this, but from my own experiences, no. Your boyfriend sounds insecure when it comes to you and your relationship, which is why he feels the need to "confront" you about these guys. Now, he had every right to become jealous about the two guys who tried to tear you apart. That is to be expected. But, with this guy at college who confides in you, I think he's just worrying that he's going to end up like the other guys who tried to end your relationship, despite him knowing your relationship and boundaries.

I am debating telling my boyfriend that I confide in the guy too...would he be upset that I am able to confide in another guy rather than himself?
Only you know the true answer to this. I don't know your boyfriend, so I can't say if he'll get upset or not. Based on what you've said here, it sounds like he might take it the wrong way. But, being honest is what you need to do. If you don't, he might find out and be even MORE upset than he would have if had just come clean about it. Hearing it from you will be better than hearing it from a mutual friend.

The guyand I are going to talk about this situation more, but he has offered to talk to my boyfriend. Would this be a good idea
Absolutely not. The relationship is between YOU and your BOYFRIEND. Don't add someone into the mix, especially if your boyfriend shows jealousy tendencies. He isn't going to take it well if some other guy goes "Hey, me and your girlfriend hang out a lot and we confide in each other about personal things". He isn't going to take that well, and I know from experience. I used to confide in my current boyfriend (before we were dating) when I was still seeing my ex. My ex didn't take it very well, and he assumed things were going on between the two of us (in this case, my ex was right).

All in all, your boyfriend just needs to understand that you're are WITH HIM, not with anybody else. Friendships are important, no matter who they are with and quite honestly, he can't KEEP your from hanging out with anyone. But, it's best to be honest about the situation rather than going behind his back or having this guy talk to him for you. Step up and tell him yourself!

[BreakingBecci]

I can definitely tell you that not all guys are like this.
I live in a flat with 5 guys, 163 miles away from my boyfriend, but he's not even a tiny bit jealous. I mean, he has no real reason to be, but it doesn't mean a little jealousy wouldn't be nice now and again.
I also think that telling your boyfriend that you can confide in the other guy but not him, isn't the best idea. I think that would just fuel the jealousy even more.

[heys.wendy]

loo,right,i agreed

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

Do all guys get like that (in terms of jealousy)?
I am debating telling my boyfriend that I confide in the guy too...would he be upset that I am able to confide in another guy rather than himself?
The guy and I are going to talk about this situation more, but he has offered to talk to my boyfriend. Would this be a good idea?

1.) No, not all guys get really jealous. In fact, I've actually had conversations with my boyfriend about situations that may or may not make him jealous, and we've even asked each other how we'd react to certain situations.
2.) He may be upset, but if you're confiding in another boy about things you don't tell your own boyfriend about, he has a right to be upset. You need to talk things out with your boyfriend and confide in him too, let him know how you feel.
3.) Probably not. If I were you I'd sit down with your boyfriend, tell him your whole story and let him know you don't have feelings for this boy and he's just a friend.

Also, just an idea, it may help if you tried to spend some time with the 3 of you together. Your boyfriend could meet this other boy and get to know him, and hopefully that would make him more comfortable with you hanging out with him.

[Brandon]

Originally Posted by how.we.operate.

So quick summary-
My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under 2 years. In the past year, there have been 2 guys that have tried to...well for lack of words...break us apart. Of course my boyfriend got overly protective over the fact that he might lose me, but he seems to be very...stubborn. By this I mean that no matter what the situation is or how much someone (including me) will try to explain something to him, he still holds his position and refuses to budge. Now I know it sounds like every person, but with most people you will at least start to reason with them about something. It seems like with my boyfriend there is no reasoning with him.

Now lately, I have been talking to a guy that goes to my university and hangs out in the same group that I hang out in. We have been able to open up to each other about a lot...such as relationship issues, thoughts, hardships, and our pasts but he respects my relationship/boundaries. Also, we start hanging out a lot - for example, he has a passion for good food and I like good food, so we went to a market to get fresh food (while my boyfriend eats junk as in spaghetti o's straight from the can).

Meanwhile, my boyfriend decides that because I am hanging out with this guy so much...it means that something is going on to him. He got...rather terrible advice to not approach either the guy or me about this and to see what happens. Apparently this did fuel his jealously, so he did ask me what I thought about the advice (of not approaching either person). I told him the best way is just to ask so he did ask.
I just told him that the guy confides in me and finds me to be a great, true friend at college.

Now...here are my questions:
Do all guys get like that (in terms of jealousy)?
I am debating telling my boyfriend that I confide in the guy too...would he be upset that I am able to confide in another guy rather than himself?
The guy and I are going to talk about this situation more, but he has offered to talk to my boyfriend. Would this be a good idea?

I think I can relate to your boyfriend, and I'll do my best to explain why he would feel a certain way so at least you can understand him. My girlfriend knows that I can get very jealous, but she's willing to sit down and talk with me, and she's willing to understand my point of view...and sometimes even agrees with it. I think that the best thing you can do is understand why he feels the way he feels, and if he sees that you're willing to understand with him, and perhaps even agree why he would feel a certain way, he'll see that you care about his opinion and ultimately care about him in general. So, I'll break apart your post before answering the questions so you can get an idea of why he thinks this way.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for just under 2 years. In the past year, there have been 2 guys that have tried to...well for lack of words...break us apart.

Just under two years is a long time for a relationship that we don't really think about. The fact that two people are willing to dedicate that much time together means that there's someone who feels that the other person is worth dating for that long of time. Your boyfriend seems to feel that way, that he loves you and he's making himself feel vulnerable. Vulnerability seems to be a big issue here. I wouldn't say that he's necessarily jealous because of such and such, but there's an ounce of fear in it as well. He gets more jealous than he should because he doesn't want to lose you. He's not completely confident with being able to say that he'll grow old with you...especially when you have other guys in your life who are trying to break you apart. If you say that they were "trying" to break you apart, then you acknowledge that they were putting effort into it trying to convince you to break up with him. I think anyone would feel vulnerable in that situation. He may be thinking, great...I've got competition now. I'm a lion with my tiger, and I've got other lions trying to win her over.

Now lately, I have been talking to a guy that goes to my university and hangs out in the same group that I hang out in. We have been able to open up to each other about a lot...such as relationship issues, thoughts, hardships, and our pasts but he respects my relationship/boundaries. Also, we start hanging out a lot - for example, he has a passion for good food and I like good food, so we went to a market to get fresh food (while my boyfriend eats junk as in spaghetti o's straight from the can).

This is simply based off the laws of attraction. Like minds attract, opposite minds repel. The fact that you have a lot of similarities between another guy besides your boyfriends may make your boyfriend feel incompatible, like he's not good enough like he used to be. He may be analyzing the friendship too much and thinking that, while you claim to be only friends with this guy, you could very well be placing that guy on the back burner. He could be a guy that you're interested in down the road if your relationship with your current boyfriend doesn't work out. He might feel like he's the guy that you're considering dating, which means that you've got another guy lined up...so you're giving this guy unnecessary amounts of pressure. Unless this guy was just completely physically unattractive that no girl would ever consider dating him, there's potential that you may end up falling for the other guy simply because of the things you and him have in common...it happens all the time when women least expect it. So again, this is a competition issue. Your boyfriend feels vulnerable because now he's got pressure in competition because he acknowledges the fact that this guy has more things in common with you than your boyfriend does, and now he's gotta work even harder to convince you that he's a better boyfriend than your friend. Ultimately, your boyfriend probably sees this friend as someone who is a potential boyfriend down the road, or even someone that you may cheat on with. The friend may respect your boundaries, but if your friend falls in love with you...what's gonna happen? He'll either stop talking to you, or he'll try and steal you away. It's like a 50% chance that he'll try to steal you away, because no guy is going to remain friends with a woman that they fall in love with, that's just the bottom line. And the fact that you're hanging out with him a lot means you're devoting a lot of your time to see your friend, when you could potentially use that time to see your boyfriend. Before I started dating my girlfriend, I was hanging out with my friends a lot when I had the time, but when I got a girlfriend...I got priorities now. I would much rather be with my girlfriend than with my friends because my friends, they understand completely, that I've found a woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. If your friends truly understood, they would still be friends with you even if they didn't see you as much. To you, you may be just hanging out with this guy...but to him, there's more to the story than maybe even YOU realize. Why hang out with this guy so much? Is he your ONLY friend that you're willing to hang out with? The questions are endless.

To answer your questions, not all guys get jealous...but there's a lot of reasons why a guy will get jealous. And contrary to some belief in women, a guy getting jealous doesn't mean that he subconsciously wants to cheat on you.

Having the guy talk with your boyfriend can help, but that doesn't mean it will. My girlfriend has introduced me to guys who have asked her out, and I feel better when I look at the guy and point out his flaws to her on a later conversation, and I can feel more masculine when I look at him and think to myself...haha, I've seen her without clothes, bitch. I've fucked her from behind, and sucked on those big titties. You can only talk to her, bitch. This woman is mine.

Firstly, I think that it's important to talk to him about how you feel, and let him know how he potentially feels, and see if you can come to an understanding or at least...set boundaries.

[how.we.operate.]

Thank you all for your responses!
I did talk to my boyfriend about things and they are smoothed over now...well at least smoother than before.

My boyfriend does know the guy and actually, we all hang out in the same group of friends. We have jokes that my boyfriend and I are almost attached by the hip--we almost are never seen apart. It just so happened that this past weekend was our friends party that I didn't want to go to but my boyfriend did, Game Jam (aka spend an entire weekend locked in the school making a video game) that my boyfriend decided to go to last minute, and another party I didn't attend and he did. So instead I hung around campus, with this guy, and my roommates.
I was later told my boyfriend approached my roommates as well (we are all really good friends) about this too.

So just to create a quick response about what happened-
My boyfriend and I did talk and he soon realized this guy is no where near a threat-he is a very nice guy that is currently going through post-break up issues. He did agree with the fact that in the group we hang out with, there are only a few true friends you will have and it just so happens that he and I are true friends. I brought up the fact that this guy was willing to talk to my boyfriend about this...the funny thing is my boyfriend told me he was surprised and this gave him more respect for the guy.
In terms of me confiding in the guy vs my boyfriend...well I generally have trust issues. I have been able to talk to my boyfriend about things, but I find myself not wanting to spill all the bad? that has gone on in my life. On the other hand, this guy has opened up to me about his stuff (I am the 3rd? person he has told) and I do find it easy to talk to this guy. My boyfriend does know the generals of some things, so he is okay with the fact that the guy and I talk to each other about things.
My biggest issue would probably be the fact that my boyfriend decided to talk to others about this before me...I have told my boyfriend multiple times before to not do so and just come to me first.

But thanks everyone for the advice! It really helped!