How can I help my friend?

[Koharuchan]

A close friend of mine is in a bad relationship. She's told me so much about her boyfriend, most of which is bad, but she keeps trying to look at the good side. Problem is, there isn't much of a good side.

She said he doesn't hold her or cuddle anymore, and when she tries he pushes her away. Literally PUSHES her away and tells her not to touch him. He'll tell her he's going to the 7-11 down the street to get some food and be gone for 2-4 hours, with no explanation to where he went. When she asks where he's been, he gets pissed at her and says he doesn't like being questioned. He goes to bars and hangs out with other girls very often. Now that he has a ps3, all he does is sit on his ass all day and play it, he hardly works. He literally has played it for 24 straight hours. He won't talk to her or pay any attention to her. The only time he pays any attention to her is when they're having sex.

He leaves the house and goes out, gone for sometimes over 8 hours, and he refuses to tell her where he's been. She was getting worried and upset, so she checked the address history on his gps. It showed multiple addresses he'd been to, but she didn't know any of them. When he found out, he got so pissed at her and yelled at her for not respecting his privacy. She's very depressed, and he KNOWS this. But he still continues to treat her like shit and is making her depression worse. She's getting to the point of being suicidal, and I'm so worried about her.

I told her she sounds like she's clinging to him because she's scared of the relationship coming to an end. She won't admit it, but that's what she's doing. She's trying everything she can think of to keep them together, even though she's miserable. He said he wants to marry her, yet now he's started saying "I don't mind having a girlfriend, I care about her and everything, but I don't really like being in a relationship." That's what he's been saying to his friends, and she knows this, but she keeps fooling herself, thinking this is just a rough patch and it will blow over.

I'm worried about her, I'm scared for her. But I don't know how to help her. Is there anything I can do?

[Amber]

Well if this was you in this situation what would you want your friends to tell you?

Personally, I think you should help her realize that she deserves better and needs to get out of this relationship ASAP. I mean if my boyfriend literally pushed me away if I wanted to cuddle, I would be beyond pissed! The whole going out to bars/hanging out with girls/random addresses on his GPS thing sounds a tad bit sketchy to me. He is obviously doing something that he knows he shouldn't be doing, otherwise he wouldn't have freaked out on her. Her clinging onto him is just going to get worse and hurt her more in the long run. The depression won't help itself and it might be a good idea for her to talk to a counselor about her depression AND her boyfriend, who isn't exactly helping the whole depression thing anyway. The sooner he's gone, the sooner she can hopefully be happy.

[PSY]

In addition to what Amber has said, I want to warn you that when a person is caught in an abusive relationship (yes, this IS an abusive relationship in the emotional sense - and possibly in other ways that you are unaware of), that person may find it difficult to "get out" because their self-esteem has been completely and utterly trashed. Your friend has been dealing with depression, so I imagine her self-esteem was already somewhat low to begin with. This relationship is only making it harder for her to leave her boyfriend. In her mind, an abusive relationship is probably better than no relationship at all, because she's getting SOME satisfaction out of this relationship... but if she's single, she'll be "alone" and "undesirable." You can try to convey the importance of leaving her boyfriend in many different ways, but unfortunately, you need to be prepared for the possibility that nothing you say or do will change her mind. She may need to be broken up with and hit "rock bottom" emotionally before she is able to see the situation for what it truly is. Be there for her, through thick and thin. Like you, I am truly concerned about her mental well-being, and she needs loyal and caring friends such as yourself. You're not Superman, and you can't stop her from hurting herself (physically or emotionally), but you can convey unconditional love during this difficult time - something she is clearly not receiving from her boyfriend.