A friend, her boyfriend and temptations.

[Composure]

Hey guys/girls. Just a quick story to tell, then down to dirty business.

About a year ago, I met a girl (let's call her 'Chai' - 'cause everyone should love chai lattes). We met in my very first class at University. We talked for about five minutes. I didn't really get to know her until the end of semester, where we were both gearing up for exams and we'd study in a group of four or five. She'd always give me flack for talking to other girls that my girlfriend was oblivious about (this is, essentially, the ironic part - read on).

For about six months, we texted on and off. I encouraged her to transfer to a different campus for one of her classes (I had completely transferred campuses at that stage, from the main campus to the Law campus; about 20 minutes drive away). She conceded, and enrolled in a class called LWD. LWD starts in March this year.

As a side bar, I broke up with my girlfriend 8 months ago, and she's still with her boyfriend of three and a half years.

She texted me last night, telling me she wouldn't be able to do LWD at my campus, for various reasons she wouldn't like to discuss. I managed to somehow weave the reason out of her, and this is how the conversation kind of unfolded (the abridged version):
Chai: "Take a guess at the reason."
Me: "Your boyfriend knows about me and doesn't like the thought of you going to the same campus as me?"
Chai: "No. Do you remember when I used to yell at you for thinking/talking to the other girl while with your ex?"
Me: "Yeah. So, let me get this right, you feel guilty for thinking about me while with your boyfriend?"
Chai: "That's half of it. I'm also scared that if we do go to the same class, my feelings for you will develop and I'll be in a very bad position."
Me: "Oh, okay. You don't have to be scared of it. Just go with the flow; it's nothing serious."
Chai: "It doesn't help that you're extremely attractive."

Now, my questions. Some of these might be kind of stupid, but I'm a sucker for temptations and I thought I might as well ask...
1. If we do go to the same class, what are some ways of avoiding awkward situations?
2. She's invited me over to her house, so we can discuss this. I'm afraid that if I do go over, we won't just be discussing things (if you get my drift). Should I go or not?
3. I'm not exactly that attracted to her. I think she's cute and is super intelligent, but I don't like her the same way she likes me. Is there anything I can do to lessen her thoughts about me?
4. I don't want to ruin her relationship with her boyfriend, but I'm afraid that temptation will be too much and I'll probably fall to desperation. This could generally result in her guilt multiplying ten fold and their relationship ending. However, if something does happen between her and I, what exactly do I do?

Sorry for all the questions; it's been a while since I've been in this situation.

[Koharuchan]

Originally Posted by Composure

Now, my questions. Some of these might be kind of stupid, but I'm a sucker for temptations and I thought I might as well ask...
1. If we do go to the same class, what are some ways of avoiding awkward situations?
2. She's invited me over to her house, so we can discuss this. I'm afraid that if I do go over, we won't just be discussing things (if you get my drift). Should I go or not?
3. I'm not exactly that attracted to her. I think she's cute and is super intelligent, but I don't like her the same way she likes me. Is there anything I can do to lessen her thoughts about me?
4. I don't want to ruin her relationship with her boyfriend, but I'm afraid that temptation will be too much and I'll probably fall to desperation. This could generally result in her guilt multiplying ten fold and their relationship ending. However, if something does happen between her and I, what exactly do I do?

Sorry for all the questions; it's been a while since I've been in this situation.

1. Just try not to talk to her too much or hang around her. The more time you spend with her, the more likely awkward situations will arise.
2. If you're afraid of something happening, don't go; you can always just discuss it over the phone, it doesn't necessarily have to be in person if you're afraid things might get out of hand.
3. If you're not attracted to her, why are you trying to convince her to switch campuses and attend your class? You sort of lost me there...that would only create awkward situations and trouble, and it could have an effect on her relationship with her boyfriend. If you want her to lessen her thoughts about you, try not to spend so much time with her.
4. Think about how she would feel if all that happened. You say you're not really attracted to her, yet you think you may fall into temptation. That makes it sound like you want a girlfriend just to have a girlfriend. I may be wrong, I don't know. I'm just saying that's what it sounds like. Not to mention the fact that if things did happen between you two, it would be ruining her relationship with her boyfriend and you're not all that attracted to her, so it would only hurt her more.

Honestly, for things to work out I think she should stay where she is. Her switching and possibly getting things awkward with you sounds like a lot more trouble than it's worth.

[Composure]

I convinced her to change before I found all this out. It was news to my ears, honestly. I haven't encouraged her to keep switch campuses. I'm merely saying it's a possibility that she will.

The reason I invited her in the first place was for two reasons: she's ridiculously smart, and she's also a good friend of mine. Which, as my post might suggest, I want to keep that friendship without all the other unnecessary activities, if that makes sense.

[PSY]

Chai is in control of her actions. She can choose between being faithful to her boyfriend or cheating on him. I'd give her a little more credit. Don't assume she's going to give in to temptation just because she's alone with you at some point - she is ALWAYS in control of her actions, no matter how appealing you may be.

The only thing I would caution you about is to not actively do anything that could cause problems for her relationship, ex. trying to kiss her. If you feel it's necessary to dissuade her from cheating on her boyfriend, go ahead and tell her what you told us: you like her as a friend, but you're not attracted to her in the romantic sense, and you really just want things to remain as they are. Remember, YOU are in control of YOUR actions as well. Temptation will always be present, but you CAN overcome it if you so desire.