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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
trumpet Offline
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Name: Abbie
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Living in two different worlds - April 2nd 2012, 05:55 AM

So I recently started dating this awesome guy. Now he and I have known eachother since freshman year and we have had our ups and downs. First of all, I am a very intolerant person and therfore easily grow to dislike people. At the begining of this year he and I were at eachother's throats more often than I can count. However he and I patched it up and ended up becoming better friends because of it. Now I have found that he is sweet, respectful, and emotional. And I am very happy with dating him.

Now comes the other problem, 2 of my best friends have also dated him, however this all happened 2 years ago and they're both dating other boys so I thought that this would be no big deal. However I was wrong. They seem to think that the same things that went wrong in their relationships with my boyfriend will go wrong for me. I mean both of them have told me that he moves quickly and had hurt them, but they are two totally different people who dated him in the past. I realize that they have my best intrests in mind, but I'm allowed to make my own mistakes and to try to be happy on my own terms. What really has become the worst is that my friend pretty much has told me that my relationship WILL blow up in flames and that she will only be there to tell me that "I told you so". Which bothers me because I have watched her have many boyfriends and have feigned happiness for her but have questioned her decisions on the inside, but never have been as blunt or cruel to tell her that she's making the wrong decisions.

I guess what I'm really angry about is that I really want to continue to be their friend whilst also continuing to date my boyfriend. I feel like I'm split between two worlds. I know my boyfriend wouldn't be mad if I continued to be friends with his exes. But my friends (his exes) are mad that I'm dating him because I didn't listen to their advice, and am being "stuborn". They want me to live in the world in which they've created me being happy with them dating whomever they want and leaving me out.

All in all I would like to ask you all who have kindly read through this angry rant to tell me what you think I should do. There are many options and I just need some advice.
   
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Re: Living in two different worlds - April 2nd 2012, 12:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by trumpet View Post
Now comes the other problem, 2 of my best friends have also dated him, however this all happened 2 years ago and they're both dating other boys so I thought that this would be no big deal. However I was wrong. They seem to think that the same things that went wrong in their relationships with my boyfriend will go wrong for me. I mean both of them have told me that he moves quickly and had hurt them, but they are two totally different people who dated him in the past. I realize that they have my best intrests in mind, but I'm allowed to make my own mistakes and to try to be happy on my own terms. What really has become the worst is that my friend pretty much has told me that my relationship WILL blow up in flames and that she will only be there to tell me that "I told you so". Which bothers me because I have watched her have many boyfriends and have feigned happiness for her but have questioned her decisions on the inside, but never have been as blunt or cruel to tell her that she's making the wrong decisions.

You answered your own question love.
Sometimes our friends think they know what's best fo us and they try to protect us because they know how they felt. Unfortunately the onlly one who can protect us from being hurt is ourselves. When we put ourselves in a relationship we're choosing to open up giving the option of being hurt.
Your 'friends' seem to be less than friends if they say they'll only be there to say 'I told you so'. Perhaps they are still hurt by what happened with this boy and themselves. They could also be jealous that you've worked out some kinks that they may not have been able to.

Best,
Haleigh


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Re: Living in two different worlds - April 2nd 2012, 01:13 PM

Hi Abbie, I think you should just follow your heart rather than listening to what other people said about him. Relationships will be different with different people and his relationship with you will totally be different from their relationships with him.

After all your friends are his exes and since they felt that he hurt them in the past, then that's really easy for them to talk negatively about him in front of you. For them, he'll always be the flawed guy no matter how good he is right now, that's really the typical point of view of people about their exes (exes are the wrong people before a person find Mr/Mrs Right). And also usually if he's the one who ended the relationships with them in the first place, then most likely he'll be the mean guy, even if he ended it for good (this is based on my best friends' and my personal experiences).

What you should do is to believe in yourself and how you feel about him. If you believe that both of you will be great together, then go for it. I always believe that everything happens for reasons and even if it doesn't turn out well for you and him in the future, I believe there are some things that you can learn from your relationship. It's just a part of your life experiences.

If they're your best friends, they shouldn't be mad at you just because you choose to do something that's not according to their advice. Good friends give advices and support you, but then they can't force you to do things as how they want it to be or have you live in the world they want you to live in -- that's selfish.

After all, you're the one who knows him close right now and you can see whether or not he's the person your best friend described. Remember, people can change to be better individuals. Hope everything turns out well with you.




Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto




   
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