Thread: Triggering (Abuse): Sexual sadism? I'm really scared
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Age: 29
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Re: Sexual sadism? I'm really scared - July 31st 2014, 02:40 PM

Lots of people like some "light" smacking or choking in bed, to me it is not my thing but because it is a thing that people supposedly like, as long as it is communicated, consensual, and emphasis on the "light" cause no one should ever be hurt during sex. So I'm not sure that I would necessarily think that this is always a "wrong" thing to do fantasize about during sex because it seems so widely accepted (in a very light moderate form).... But I think it's one of those things where, if I am being honest, it should be avoided in "real life" because it would be to easy to cross a line and I believe that actually acting it out creates a dominant and submissive and I don't believe that such inequalities should be created within a relationship, even if it is only in the bedroom.

Additionally, I think that taking it to rape and abuse is probably crossing that line I mentioned, which I am grateful is a line you are able to recognize. I think that recognizing that it is not a healthy ideal, maybe, is a good start, and sorry if that sounds harsh but I can't think of other words for what I am thinking.

But I don't want you to think that you can't have a healthy relationship. You can! Lots of people have healthy relationships even if they are sadists!

What I think might help is if you speak with your therapist. She/he might be able to give you an idea of how you can control the urges or maybe so that your sexuality isn't directly linked to such violence, maybe she'll know how to help you still like what you like but make it "safer" (like light smacking) and that way you won't be afraid of your fantasies, and thus what might happen in real life. Hopefully your therapist can help with such a thing. I'd love to help more with that, but I would definitely be out of my depth with redirecting your thoughts, I just thought it might be good for the therapist

If you need to talk to someone, PM me though ok

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions