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Always * Offline
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Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Hogwarts

Posts: 3,169
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: April 12th 2012

Mental health and life changes - December 7th 2014, 07:40 PM

For years I was alone. I lived alone. I didn't have many friends. My family lived hundreds or thousands of miles away. No one was around to see what I was or wasn't doing. I lost a lot of friends after my first year of university. I was to busy being depressed to care.

Now things finally turned around for me because I got into the post graduate program I wamted and I have an amazing boyfriend. I love him. He's so good for me. Without him I would have been a nervous wreck dealing with all the drama in my post grad program at school. He hugs me and we have fun.

But under all of that I can feel things polig holes in it. My issues with my body and food have been resurfacing. I catch myself saying things like "I need to go to the gym or I'll get fat" or "I shouldn't eat more cause I'll get fat" I look in the mirror and see someone who's fat. Nothing more.

My issues with my anxiety are still really bad. He might keep me happy enough tjat it's not so bad, but I finally had a meltdown and threw a picture frame across the room and the glass shattered all over. I used to have breakdowns all the time, but it's not so bad right now but it's still poking holes in my "perfect world".

I'm my perfect world I am still way more high strung than my classmatesc I still need to relax. I still need to give myself a break etc but I'm not having meltdowns.

I tried to go to counselling in August but I couldn't pay for it. I feel embarrassed to think I still need counsellingt when I domt. It's not like my life is falling apart just because I'm an anxious person. I can work through it all and my boyfriend makes me happy. But I've come to realist that I don't think I'll ever get rid of the anxiety. Not if it's poking holes in my reality when I'm happy for the first time in years.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions