Thread: Ugh.
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del677 Offline
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Re: Ugh. - February 25th 2017, 07:05 AM

Well your counselor could practice and learn the power of listening without responding.

That is, tell him don't try to fix things, just listen to me describe my situation and everything that's wrong with my life. That's it. The listening itself is the cure.

Listening doesn't fix problems, instead it makes it OK to have problems. Then we feel OK again.

I half suspect back in "cave man" days, we lived in tribes, and when we had an issue, we felt better after telling others about it, which didn't immediately fix the problem, but reassured us we were still a part of the tribe, and maybe it helped the problem eventually be resolved later.

Getting out of a bad mood triggered by a situation is tricky. We tend to ruminate, when we should do the opposite -- let it go, perhaps scheduling a time to resume it at a later time. Takes a bit of practice.

How do I respond to a situation? Well I go talk with my therapist about it. Actually I talk, therapist listens, I feel better, nothing is fixed, but I feel better because therapist listened.

Oh yes and it's a listening without judgement. No trying to figure out what's right and what's wrong, who's to blame, crap like that. The listening itself is the cure.

Then he listens, you talk about your boyfriend, and having someone listen kinda helps you clarify your thoughts and feelings, and maybe you gain some insight in the process, and if he's good he doesn't try to fix your relationship, he just helps you understand it better what's going on.

Sorry you and your boyfriend having communication problems.

Sorry rough day.

Thank you for writing about your day. (Helps me to know I'm not the only one who has days like this.)