Hi Guys. I'm sorry if this inconviences anyone, but a majority of the posts about here relate to abuse and dealing with the after effects of it- personally, I feel you might get more responses and assistance if this is moved to the Rape & Abuse forum, so I have done so. If you disagree, feel free to PM
Personally, I think it must be very difficult to deal with what you have gone through and if you can, try and look into programs for dealing with it- particularly if they have a way of helping you deal with sex in the future. I'd ask your local doctor, or women's support group if they know of any such program, or even support group.