Thread: She's Dying...
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eunoia Offline
(n) beautiful thinking
Jeez, get a life!
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Name: Jes
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Location: USA

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Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: She's Dying... - July 1st 2009, 01:21 PM

Hey, Mariah.

Nothing on this earth can prepare you for what is to come. You can practice your reaction to losing your grandmother time and again. You can talk about it, think about it, and cry; when she is gone it will hurt, but it will be okay. You have known your grandma is sick for a long time and it might help to ease the pain, a little, but as much as I wish I could tell you that there is some way for you to get ready for this, there is not.

What you can do, and I hope you will, is spend the remaining time you have with your grandma in a way you will never regret.

It makes sense that your emotions are confusing to you, right now. That sadness, the relief and regret, they are all normal, everyday emotions that you are feeling magnified and run together because you know, for sure now, that something heartbreaking is going to happen to you and to your family.

Try to understand that she does not blame you for the things you said as a child. It is hard to believe that, ourselves, but from experience I can tell you it is true. My own grandmother and I have traded bitter words time and again but, Mariah, like your grandma loves you, my grandma loves me. Nothing, not a single word I could say, could lessen that love one bit. And I hope you know, deep in your heart, that she does not blame you. Chances are, truth be told, she forgets; we tend to remember our worst indiscretions for years while our loved ones move on, forgive, and forget.

If you have questions, ask them. If there is something you want or need to say, do so. If it will help you to apologize, I am sure she would be willing to hear you. You can never tell someone you love them too much.

It is okay to feel anger, but do not blame yourself for what you thought when you were younger. Just like we say things we do not mean, sometimes, otherwise kind and good people can have negative thoughts, now and again.

How do you forgive yourself? You just do. Knowing that forgiveness is what your grandma would want for you, let it go.

Please don't ever hesitate to let me know if you need anything; I'm always around. Take care of yourself, Mariah. You will pull through this and you are not alone.

Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us.
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind