[toes]

and it hurts. every time i see a beautiful person that happens to have a really great personality and are actually intelligent i just get so angry with myself, because i could have been them, and i can't be them. genetics really suck. and i am so sick of people saying things about how beauty is on the inside. beauty is a physical attribute.. that i lack. i know, it's not just me. but i'm just not attractive at all unless i really work for it, and i know my personality just sucks. i'm not smart. i can't get skinny. i'm lazy. i just.. my face is average. i'm an average person. and i wish i was born so much more that that. i complain about how i am, how i look and how i feel all of the time. people just say good things about me to me and i feel better for awhile. but nothing they say will change the way i feel about me. i am really hating me, and it is definitely not helping with anything because i already abuse myself. and i just can't fix anything about me that i want to and i hate living with me.

but it's not just me that thinks i am average. it's everyone. i am always treated as i am average, or less than average, and nothing more. but, then again, i am average /: not one person i know would want me more than anybody or anything else. not even my own family. i am always comparing myself to others, and getting jealous of them, and it makes me even worse of a person than i already am. i just wish i could be satisfied with me. it really sucks.
/emotionalness