[Just Julie]

It's always a variety of things.
I have the gentic disposition for it. My entire family hasbeen/is on some form of anti-depressents.
My friend died last year. Somehow I find myself hurting more about it now, then last year. I think I was so numb for so long that now I'm starting to feel something again, and fuck it hurts.
Sometimes I know it's not entirely from her loss. I just feel sad. All consuming sadness that just doesn't lift. My mind winds around so many past mistakes. And I realize how much life I have left to live, and how many more mistakes I'll make. I feel so out of control of my life. That I have no control of anything, either it's all planned out already (which I don't understand that bit) or it's so random that there's no way anyone can have any control of it. I don't know where that comes from. Perhaps seasonal affective disorder? Everyone has the winter blahs, but what distinguishes that from true depression?


Anyways, anyone else feel whiny when talking about it? As if this is the moment when anyone else would tell you to shut up and get over your problem, everyone has them?