I can relate to what your going through. And though it doesn't seem so, their are alot of reasons to stop. I could list a million reasons but ultimately your doing alot of harm to yourself and you deserve better. You owe it to yourself to stop. Their are alot of other healthier alternatives and you don't have to turn to SH
. Its a option but it deffinitly not a good one or the best one.
I hope you take better care of yourself, Feel free to PM