January 25th 2010, 02:32 AM
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I've been dealing with depression for not too long, mayb a year or so, but in the last half a year its gotten pretty bad. i started cutting, and i stopped for awhile, and then i went back, and it just feels like a constant battle. and its gotten so bad, and i was considering drugs, to "mellow" myself out, but my freinds (obvisouly) strongly advice against it. and i have suicidal thoughts all the time, i consider them "normal" and im just rambling.
the point is, i know im screwed up, i know there is a chance of this killing me, but i dont want help. my freinds say i need it, everyone says i need it, but i dont want it. i want to stay like this, knowing how harmful (and potentially fatal) this is.
what is wrong with me?