[Modern_Chemistry]

Even when I'm happy and having a good time, suicide occupies my brain. I can't keep it off my mind. When I'm having a good day, I still feel like I just want to kill myself. When I'm hanging out with my best friends I always think "What would they do if I died?". I know my parents and friends would be devastated but that doesn't change my thoughts. I feel like I need to die. I don't want to keep going, no matter how good things get. On bad days, I look forward to good days. But on good days, I realize there is no point. It's not like I hate life. It's just I don't feel like living anymore. I feel like dying. No matter how many therapists I talk to, how many hospitals I go to, or how many medications I take, nothing changes. I still would rather just die.