[St.Vincent]

I feel like it's already happened though. We broke up over the summer, I missed him, we got back together--it was great but now it's not great anymore. I can't keep on doing this to him.

I also feel like I can't keep on pretending, and I don't think there's anything he could do to make it better--the sex isn't boring or bad, I just don't want to have sex with him, conceptually.

I would love to be friends with him, but I don't think that is possible right now. I am so terrified of breaking up though, the--big unsuspecting slap in his face, the being alone, the being really really alone. :/ :/ I feel like such a wimp. I'm usually so much more resolute than this, it makes me feel so bad.