Identity crisis -
October 25th 2010, 09:17 AM
Growing up I always looked up to my brother. He was cool, edgy, great at playing music, amazing rollerblader, always made his own friends and girlfriends. For all my life I followed him, every new thing he was doing, I took up aswell. I followed him through skating, music, the way he talks, and just a lot of his style. I'm 19 now and have realized for maybe 2 years now that I've always done what he's done. The only traits I've really picked up by myself is loads of video games and a little bit of working out on the side.
Now I'm stuck feeling like I have no personality of my own, people tell me I'm a lot like my brother and often call me by his name. (Which is very irritating) I've made a ton of mistakes that I'm working through, I've used drugs, I smoked weed for 3 years, and I smoke half a pack of cigs a day. I've heard the word fake thrown around a bit, and many meaner versions of the word, but when I look at my real self now, alls I see is badness and I want to be a better person, I want to find out what love is like, I avoid everyone because I don't think I'm good enough to be around anyone.
I've never talked to anyone about this, but it's eating me up inside, I hate myself and I hate the fact that I hate myself... I'm a 19 year old male and I know I shouldn't be acting like this, any advice would help and I'm willing to talk to anyone