Thread: problem?
View Single Post
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
cole11 Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
cole11's Avatar
 
Name: cole
Gender: Female
Location: england

Posts: 25
Join Date: December 8th 2010

Unhappy problem? - December 10th 2010, 12:18 AM

Last year my girlfriend left me, and ever since i haven't been the same. Before then i'd always struggled with self harm from a young-ish age, but since she's been gone things have just got worse. I've gone from being an alcoholic, to self harming, to using drugs in one year and i've just ended up turning into someone I never used to be, but at the moment I can't imagine my life any other way.
I've been to see psychiatrists but they all say the same thing "we'll refer you to an open counselling service" which never does anything, so i've ruled out seeking medical advice. Some days I'll be fine, but others i'll hit rock bottom, but i notice that im rarely ever 'happy', i'm always just content, but I always feel kinda empty. I use drugs pretty much every day now, which seems to ease off the feeling, but I'm really just wondering whether it's normal? I self-harmed a lot last year, but stopped until recently when it happened again. I find myself getting angry easily over nothing, and sometimes I get such extreme mood changes (for example i was sitting in class the other day watching a rom-com and after i left class i felt so angry i could have hit someone and there was absolutely NO reason for it), i find myself lashing out easily, but as easily as i can get into a bad mood i can snap out of it.
I know that the drug use isn't helping, but stopping isn't really an option at the moment. I don't think i would ever kill myself as my ex tried to a couple of years ago and i was the one who had to take her to hospital and i had to watch what her family and friends had to go through and all the pain it caused, but these changes in my personality are coming more frequently and more severely so i guess im just worried about what im capable of cause the thoughts that go through my head sometimes certainly aren't healthy.
sorry for the longgggg msg, would appreciate anyone's views on this, am i just over-reacting or do you think i've got something wrong? thanks.


"There's nothing different about me. I'm just another bored male, approaching 30, in a dead-end job, who lives for the weekend. Casual sex, watered-down lager, heavily cut drugs. And occasionally kicking fuck out of someone."