[Atychiphobia]

Originally Posted by Dyingtolive

Like I remember him more or less forcing it on my at first and I fink after a while I just got used to it and learned to just take it.... If I remember right, I fought it at first and was like no this isn't right... And he never really physically forced me to do some things bug it was mire or less mental manipulation... But anyway like after he stopped doing if to me I think I got so used to it and my whole idea of sex was so screwed up that when he stopped I began to think that he didn't love me anymore and all that stuff and I remember like a yr or so aftr he stopped whenever I would try to address it with him he would just kinda change the subject... And for a while I wasn't sure if it was just a dream or not... But the memories r so clear of what he did at some points that I'm sure there's no way it was a dream... And it's like because he always told me it was what cousins did and that he loved me and stuff I grew up thinking that it was okay and basically we just stopped talking about it and doing it...

Wow. I know that so well.. well, except it wasn't my cousin. But yeah, it really messes with your perceptions of sex and relationships.. I think you should report him, I know your saying that you were kids.. but you were 5-8 and he was 10-13.. to me I don't consider a 13 year old a kid, and when would a 13 year old think it's okay to have sex with an 8 year old. I can understand your dilemna so well, because my sexual abuse started when I was 9 and he was 11, I can remember even once I was older, excusing him saying he didn't know, didn't understand and all that, but as it was pointed out to me, he understood enough to have sex. It's not exactly common knowledge on how to have sex that young really, well it wasn't back then.. I also think you could probably do with counselling/therapy so you can talk about this and maybe try and work through the perception problems that will be there; I never realised how much he'd messed up my head until I was 18 and tried to have an 'adult' relationship and completely screwed it up basicly because all my perceptions were off.
PM me if you wanna talk sweetheart. <3
xox