[Gidig]

Hey-

Thanks so much for your replies <3 I appreciate it. =)

I don't know, I feel like my downs are not worth living through. Even when I get a moment of happiness, I can look back and still feel suicidal because I know it's going to happen again. I just wish I didn't think like that but I don't know how to change it either. And to be honest, that is how it is. If that makes sense.

I want my closest friends to know, really badly. I want to be able to talk to them about it, at least one of my friends. But I don't know how to bring that up, I'd feel too much like I'm talking about myself in a self centered way. If they asked though, I'd have no problem telling them. Honestly I'd tell almost anyone the basics of my life. Many of them know I'm bipolar but they all say they never would have guessed and they still can't see it.
The friend who is living with me has even seen my scars from cutting but won't ask about them or anything. One time when I was in the ER and her and another guy took me and were sitting in the room, the nurse straight up asked me about my arms and I just brushed it off and mumbled that I had help, and was so unconvincing the nurse came back later when they were gone. My friend still didn't say anything, but looked baffled and confused, but I can't ever bring myself to say anything about it.

All the wishes in life I have all come out to mean one thing really, I just wish I even resembled normal. -_-