[BlueWolf]

Thanks guys. I think a good thing to do is to talk to him about going back to counciling. He already said he would try it for me.

I honestly do sometimes think he's a sociopath. He shows guilt, but it's for a limited time. After a day passes, it's like he has no understanding of it. Yeah, he gave the stuff back and a lot of that was for me, not for his own feelings of shame, which left after a very brief time. He has gotten a little better, but not much over an 8 month time. When I talked to him later about that situation he was off having fun with his friends and he just like so what? He didn't even care he was in serious trouble. It did not register. He feels emotions for such brief periods it's shocking, and then it's like... almost nothing. It's extreamely concerning. I wonder if maybe it's a developing thing, or something similiar. I might just be worrying to much, but I have every right to worry. The lying for him is so natural that sometimes when he lies he really believes it to be true. He makes himself actually believe it and he fights to the death for me to believe it even when I have proof otherwise. As for the right and wrong, I really don't think he knows it. Like... he knows the laws, but not the actually understanding of what's right and wrong. I know his parents have taught him, but everything that has been done to teach him has failed. He does the same things over again and doesn't see a problem other than police. That's the only assiciation he can make with bad things. The only way I've gotten him to behave is I ask him to do it for me, so he's like ok. Maybe that shows signs of caring which is not there in a sociopath, or maybe it's just his own selfishness cuz he knows I'd leave otherwise? Not entirely sure, but I know something is not right. I'm worried.

I also know I have an unhealthy obsession with him, and I talked to my therapist about it. She says for now it's ok, because I'm not doing well and I've been extreamely suicidal. He's like my walking cane and will talk to me as long as I need him and be there when I need him without question. He does the best he can to help me and surrounds me with so much positive energy that it lifts my spirits. I have fun with him and he makes me feel beautiful. My therapists says it's just what I need right now, support until I can walk on my own. When we are apart, I feel very suicidal. Like I can't be happy without him around so leaving is not much of an option.

But he has agreed to at least try to get help, so that's something right? The only thing is, I know he's only going to do it because I asked, not because he wants too. Plus, it's not something he will keep up with unless I stay ontop of him about it. I feel like I'm more of a mother to a five year old who can't do anything himself. He really is very dependant, but because I'm very dependant only in different ways, I can kinda understand it.... to an extent, but with my short temper, this is very difficult for me to deal with. Yet everytime I lash out, he's ok with it and just takes it and calms me down.

Ugh, this just has to be sooo complicated....