I'm Always Unhappy At Home? -
June 2nd 2011, 11:59 PM
About two years ago my parents got a divorce, I'm 15 now and I go back and forth every week from my moms to my dads. And I hate everything about it. I hate having to drag all my crap back and forth and discovering I left something I need at my mom's (such as textbooks for homework). My mom is getting remarried again and her boyfriend has a son, and their buying a house and having a wedding, and I hate the way she says how were all becoming a family. There not my family, I have a family, my mom and my dad and my two brothers, even if were all not together. That's my family and I don't want a new one and I don't want to join one. I don't even like my moms boyfriends son, he isn't mean but all he does is sit around at the house and watch t.v twenty for seven, he's pretty much a stranger to me. I hate the way my dads girlfriend comes over all the time and makes tons of noise and has to talk EXTREMELY loud. I hate the way I can never have any quiet to do homework and I hate the way my mom drinks and how she always thinks I'm being over-dramatic and doesn't believe a word I say or ever listen to my problems. Yet she complains her *** off about every little thing and if I complain she screams at me.
The only time I'm happy is when it's just me and my real family or when I'm home alone (like if I stay home from school.) I've been depressed for a long time and I'm just so sick of never being happy, of always hurting with no one who actually cares. I only happy when I'm alone with no one to interrupt that or hurt me or anything, when I can do art and write and act and read. I want that feeling so much and never get it, it's to the point that I have stayed home from school probably over twenty five days this year. I'm stressed out twenty four seven and the anxiety kills, I'm failing in school.
If I had money I'd move out in an instant and I'd be alone and do the things that I love, which means I'd be happier, which means I'd have enough energy to do things that need to be done. Such as homework, chores, cooking cleaning, when I'm home alone and feeling good I can work so much better. I want to be in independent studies so bad, but my parents won't let me. I'm trapped and I hate it. I was sobbing the whole time I wrote this, literally feel a hole in my chest.
What can I do? What do you think of my idea's of independent studies or moving out? Any advice or support? Oh and if anyone has gone through or going through this I'd love to know I'm not, well, completely alone.
By the way my mom won't help me with my depression have asked four times. To afraid to talk to anyone. I just can't stay here like this anymore.
Thank you so much guys
Sorry about the length!
Nothing easy is worth doing, but easy would be nice every once in while.