Thread: Triggering (SH): Denial
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Shanielle Offline
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Name: Shanielle
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia

Posts: 37
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Join Date: August 3rd 2011

Denial - August 22nd 2011, 10:23 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Would it be dumb if I said that I used to deny cutting myself, because if it is then I guess this going to be the dumbest thing you've read. When I first did it, it was like I knew in a way what I was doing, but I didn't want to believe it because then I would be forced to deal with all the bad feelings that followed. I didn't want to think about it, about how disappointed my parents would be if they found out, about how I had to get used to the idea of wearing bracelets and capris all the time, or about the fact that I wasn't as in control of my emotions as I thought I was. After two weeks, I had to admit what I did to myself. That isn't to say I didn't make excuses for myself. I told myself all sorts of stuff. I thought that as long as the blood didn't do as it had the first time, running down and around my wrist and painting my skin red, that maybe it wasn't exactly cutting. I thought if I only drew little windowcracks of blood that I could get away with not calling it cutting. I thought as long as I wasn't cutting too deep, drawing too much blood, I was safe from admitting the truth, but I was wrong. It doesn't make a difference how much blood I draw or where I draw the blood from, if I'm doing this to see red, even if it is only a spot, it's cutting. I don't know the point in writing this, but I guess it's better to get this out than bottling it up inside.