Don't hurt yourself, you've been doing so well. 4 years! thats amazing. SH
won't make the problems go away.. I had a similar problem with my mom.. and things still arent going well. She got turned down from different places because she was admitting herself, but she clearly didnt want help. she just needed a place to stay. then she would leave and say she would do outpatient and yeah.... i know where your coming from. its rough. /: I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
But remember.. Your moms problems arent your problems.. If she wants to ruin her life.. That is her problem. I know its hard.. but try to seperate yourself from her if at all possible.. To some extent, anyway..
Cutting wont make you feel alive.. I'm only a few months sh
free.. But i know i just end up feeling guilty after i do.. time and time again i ruin the sh
free.. and i feel terrible afterwards. You will end up just feeling worse.
Stay Strong!! You can do it. I believe in you. Keep trying to distract yourself. and if you want, feel free to message me and we can talk. <3 I hope things start to get better for you.