[allow_me]

NOTE: I don't know if this needs a strong language thing or not. I'll put it anyway.

I like making lists, even bad ones. Here's a list of shit things on my mind.

It still appears as though every time I talk to anyone I'm pissing them off. Feeling like I'm pissing them off makes me feel pissed off and so it just gets worse.

One of my friends is grounded so I can't talk to her. She lives too far to visit. Like, a different state too freaking far. I heard (from this site actually) that she's grounded and it's really frustrating. I just found out one of our friends is drinking her pain away and I have nobloodyone to talk to about it and it's annoying and I can't help her because she lives too far away too. Another different state too far. I wish I could be there for her and talk to her and hug her and comfort her face to face because stupid letters pushed through my fingers aren't good enough. They don't do anything they don't help.

I don't know what I want to do with my life which sounds so stupid because I don't care what I do with my life it just needs to be ... SOMETHING. Not just go to a Good College to get a Good Job and Marry a Good Guy and have Good Kids and live a Good Life. It needs to be Special. Not Normal. I want to visit England and write books and change lives. I want to meet people and help them and be cured of this... headfuck that's going on. I don't want to be a Normal Person. They're dull living their dull everyday lives doing Chores and Paying Bills and Raising Kids to do the same thing they did. It's all so pointless unless you're making a freaking difference.

And then there's this family business where my sister is a prat to my mom all the time and I love her and all but it annoys me and my brothers always fight fight fight and it's always so loud and they all just need to shut up and be okay because that's how life works. I'm sick of everyone arguing and I'm sick of my sister walking over me like a doormat but there's no way I'm going to fight back because I'm not a fighter. I'm better at ignoring than fighting and pretending I don't care than anything else.