i lost someone to suicide. he was my best friend. i loved him. i was IN love with him. i never got a chance to tell him how i felt about him... but i loved him. he was going through some rough stuff... and he took his life. i wish he would've failed. but he didnt. i wish it would've been me, not him. but it wasnt. hes gone. i'll always be in love with him, but never have the chance to tell him...
tomorrow, it will have been exactly a year, and i'm just finding it really hard to deal with. so much has happened in the year. my ED
has escelated to an all time worst, but now i am recovering on my own, and i know relapse will probably happen, but i'm taking it by day. i thought i was in love with my boyfriend. but he cheated on me. now he's my ex. i've helped a friend through self-harm, while mines only gotten worse. gosh... so muh has happened in the year. i just wish he could've been there through it with me. i really want him back. and lately i've been starting to wish that... that i was dead. that he was still alive an i had just killed myself. and i know this is not okay, which is why i'm posting this. i think i may have gotten just a bit depressed from everythig . all rooting from his suicide.
i guess i just need support ... because i'm finding this really hard to go through .