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 TeenHelp Superstar ************** Ennui.
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Thank you
I will do my best! -
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Yaayy! After I sent you the message I started to wonder if you still remembered me
OMG Yes! It has been way too long, a lot has changed! I am doing good! 
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Hi!! Randomly popped back on here after years and you're one of the people I wanted to check in on! I hope you are doing great!
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Dezmaid, I'm just noticing that you have over twenty thousand posts!
How the heck?
Rob should give you some special kind of award and a new user title for that! My average post per day is 1.57 but we'll see how long that lasts! Plus, this account has only been active for a few months while yours have been around for fourteen years. 
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About Me
- Basics
- Name
- Dez
- Gender
- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Pronouns
- She/They
- Location
- Connecticut, USA
- Country
- United States
- About
- About me
- Hey all! My name is Dez, and I am a 27 year old who just graduated with my Masters in Public Health. So I basically just entered the "real world" and have to be an "adult." Ew.
On any given day if I'm not here you'll find me napping, sitting in therapy, or watching something on Netflix. I'm trying to do this thing called "finding a hobby," so feel free to pass along your favorite books and TV shows.
I have an interest in sexual health, especially contraceptives, the prevention of sexually transmitted infections as well as HPV and the vaccine in particular. I stand with Planned Parenthood and similar reproductive health organizations. I also have an interest in vaccines.
I'm still basically trying to figure everything out myself, but feel free to say hello. If I don't answer right away, rest assured that I will when I get a chance! :D
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I became a LiveHelp Operator on December 1, 2011. On January 29, 2012 I changed primaries to HelpLINK Mentor. On April 23, 2012 I became a Self Expression Forum Mod. On October 8, 2012 I became an LGBT+ Forum Mod. On December 1, 2012 I became a Chat Moderator. On February 9, 2013 I became a HelpLINK Moderator. On July 13, 2013 I became a member of the Performance Committee. On August 17 2013, I became an Albums Moderator as well as a member of the Articles Team. On October 13, 2013, I became a Self Harm Forum Mod. On November 16, 2013, I became a member of the Social Networking Team. On December 23, 2013, I became a Social Groups Moderator. On December 23, 2013, I also became a member of the Videos Team. On January 25, 2014, I became a Blogs Moderator. On April 12th, 2014, I became a Project Advisor. On August 31, 2014 I became a member of the newly formed Volunteering Committee. On March 27, 2015 I became a Newsletter Editor. On August 1, 2015 I became part of the Disputes Committee. On August 17, 2015 I became a Forums and Community Officer. On April 30, 2022 I became a Community Team Leader.
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Last updated 11/19/23
- Details
- Here for
- Like to help and be helped
- Relationship status
- What's that?
- Sexuality
- I'm here, I'm Queer
- Ethnicity
- Caucasian/White
- Education
- Master’s in Public Health
- Occupation
- Unemployed
- Politics
- Democrat.
- Religion
- Atheist
- Zodiac sign
- Gemini
- Interests
- Hobbies
- I don't know anymore.
- Music
- Oh, various things.
- Movies
- The Day After Tomorrow, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Horton Hears a Who, Repo! The Genetic Opera, The Little Mermaid, Finding Nemo, Finding Dory... I don't watch many movies.
- Television
- House M.D., In Plain Sight, Nurse Jackie, Rizzoli & Isles, Hell's Kitchen, Once Upon A Time, Necessary Roughness, Chicago Fire, Justice League, Scrubs, Rick and Morty, Bojack Horseman, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Good Doctor, The Good Place, The Resident, 9-1-1
- Games
- Portal, Portal 2, The Sims 3 and 4, Plague, Rocket League, Golf With Your Friends, Magicka, then your classic board games.
- Books
- Anything that's by Jodi Picoult or talks about real life issues or Ellen Hopkins. Fiction books that talk about real world issues, like self harm.
- Sports
- I don't like sports.
- Heroes
- My Pepere (grandfather) and my cousin Sophia, as well as her two older sisters Alex and Gabby and their mother, Kristy. Also my niece Madison. :)
- Favorite quotes
- The world is round, so the place that may seem like the end, may also be only the beginning.
- Other interests
- Being a mermaid.
Sleeping.
Eating my sister's food.
Zumba.
Sloths.
Guinea pigs.
Sexual health and reproductive rights
Vaccines
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Signature
- Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
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Blog
View Ennui.'s BlogRecent Entries
Latest Blog Entry
Posted in Uncategorized
I followed a journal prompt asking you to write a letter to your future self. I decided to write a letter to me five years from now. I kind of like how it came out so I am posting it here too. Here goes:
Dear Me 5 Years From Now,
I honestly didn't expect that you would live this long, so congratulations I guess. I hope you don't have any permanent damage from any more suicide attempts that happened between 4/12/24 and now. Maybe you're finally not feeling as suicidal...
Dear Me 5 Years From Now,
I honestly didn't expect that you would live this long, so congratulations I guess. I hope you don't have any permanent damage from any more suicide attempts that happened between 4/12/24 and now. Maybe you're finally not feeling as suicidal...
Posted in Uncategorized
I started writing this and then something happened and it deleted itself, so I guess I'll try to remember what I was going to say.
I was doing relatively well for a few weeks. I really was. I hadn't been self harming and had generally been feeling okay. But then it crashed again and the depression and anxiety are back with a vengeance.
This weekend I was very depressed. I spent a lot of Saturday isolating by myself and was in bed a lot. I went to bed around 7:30, 8:00...
I was doing relatively well for a few weeks. I really was. I hadn't been self harming and had generally been feeling okay. But then it crashed again and the depression and anxiety are back with a vengeance.
This weekend I was very depressed. I spent a lot of Saturday isolating by myself and was in bed a lot. I went to bed around 7:30, 8:00...
Posted in Uncategorized
I feel like shit.
I'm not feeling any better. I'm going to PHP/IOP every single day but it's all stuff I've heard from being there so many times and it's just not helping and nothing is helping and I don't feel any better.
I want to die still. I have a potential date range picked out if things go as planned, but maybe I'll feel better before then and I'll change my mind. There's always a chance, right? The visiting nurse took my suicide method away from me but I ordered...
I'm not feeling any better. I'm going to PHP/IOP every single day but it's all stuff I've heard from being there so many times and it's just not helping and nothing is helping and I don't feel any better.
I want to die still. I have a potential date range picked out if things go as planned, but maybe I'll feel better before then and I'll change my mind. There's always a chance, right? The visiting nurse took my suicide method away from me but I ordered...
Posted in Uncategorized
2/15/24 - Today I attempted suicide. I wanted the anxiety that had been getting progressively worse throughout the month to stop. I had been making plans for a while but didn't have a specific date until I decided it would be today.
My friend found out and made me call 911. The fire department came first, then the ambulance and police. They questioned me and then I got in the ambulance where they took my vitals and have me fluids. We live close to the hospital so the ride only lasted like...
My friend found out and made me call 911. The fire department came first, then the ambulance and police. They questioned me and then I got in the ambulance where they took my vitals and have me fluids. We live close to the hospital so the ride only lasted like...
Posted in Uncategorized
I'm feeling low again. The medication I was put on a few months back worked for maybe 2-3 months and then I felt low again. I was going to kill myself after I finished the partial hospitalization program/intensive outpatient program but the medication was doing its job and I had hope that maybe things would be all right. So I didn't do it. But as usual it didn't last.
I don't get out much aside from the gym and group therapy. My therapist wants me to volunteer to get out of the house...
I don't get out much aside from the gym and group therapy. My therapist wants me to volunteer to get out of the house...
Recent Comments
It's good that you wrote...
Things have been rough...
I know things are rough...
I'm sorry about everything,...
Hi Dez, I'm so sorry...
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