[puala__koala]

okay, so im going to start from the very beginning

a little over two years ago, i was raped by my best friend. we were in out in the woods smoking pot, and he gave me a hug because i was going through rough times. he kept on hugging me tighter and tighter after that, and by the time i realized what he was about to do, his grip was so strong i knew i couldn't fight him. i let him have it.

my response was really bad. after it happened, i slept around a lot, because i felt like by doing so i was reasserting this control in my life. while sleeping around, i met another guy who sold me drugs at a rave, and then half an hour later i was sleeping with him i didn't know this then, but he gave me chlamydia and hpv. the chlamydia infection came up right away, and i got that cleared up. i didn't know i had hpv and thought i was clean.

after that, i decided to not sleep around, and had a committed relationship, which fell apart when i met this guy who i thought was the love of my life. he then broke up with me shortly after that and refused to tell me why.

after i broke up with him, i was so upset that i dealt with my feelings by sleeping around. at this time, i saw the same guy that gave me chlamydia and hpv. he told all his friends i broke up with my boyfriend, and that they should give me free drugs to try and cheer me up. by the end of the night, i was so fucked up i could barely tell what was going on. he took me somewhere and fucked me while i passed out. i thought i was going to die with him ontop of me.

a couple months later, his ex called me up to tell me she had herpes and chlamydia. he told me he had hpv and chlamydia but not herpes. i got tested, and i didn't have herpes, i didn't have chlamydia, and they told me there was no way to test for hpv but that it wasn't a big deal because im vaccinated.

well, now i just found out from a friend i had sex with two months ago, that, apparently, they had an outbreak of hpv right after sleeping with me. i called up all my exes, and now, not only do they think im a complete whore, but i just found out the guy i fell in love with now has a girlfriend.

ontop of everything, i've been getting horrible pains in one of my ovaries (right where there's a bump), along with being extremely tired all the time, and i haven't been able to fuck in over six months because it hurts too bad. my mom had ovarian cancer last year, and ive been meaning to get it checked out, but weve just been figuring that its a cyst since im not 21 yet. apparently my chances go up a lot since i have hpv, but i don't want to tell my mom that because she cant shut her fucking mouth.

well, i just want to curl up into a ball right now and die. i have no fucking clue how to deal with the rest of this shit. all i want is a guy to tell me they love me and that its going to be okay, but no guy is going to love me, especially since im no good in bed anymore. advice?