[LostConfusion]

I don't know if this belongs in depression or friends and family...

I just realized how boring I am. I tried going on to YouTube and had no idea what to look up. I asked myself what am I interested in? I seriously feel like I have no social life. I feel like I don't have any interests in. I feel like I'm just a person. I don't get myself. I don't get who I am?

I rarely hang out with people. The only people I really talk to now is my family (6 people). I feel like I have no friends. I get so lonely. It's been like this for at least a year. This summer I really only have two things to look forward two...a vacation and schedule pickup for school. The vacation sounds lovely but after that I really have nothing.

It's been getting harder for me to talk to other people. I've isolated myself. Whenever I am put into a social situation...I just feel awkward. I've tried texting people but I never get a reply. I've stopped texting most people. I think I'm afraid of rejection and that's why I isolate myself.

I see people on Instagram hanging out with other people and I wish I were them. I want to see other people outside my house. I can if I ask but I don't. I don't know what to talk to others about. I don't know what to do with others. I've gotten more and more quiet.

I feel like I am barricaded by four walls-the house I live in. Sure I can go out if I want to but I don't.

It gets lonely.

If you know where this is from...you know who I am...

I miss the times when I wasn't so confined to my phone and television. All year I've been surrounded by technology. I've chosen technology over people. But now that I look back at what I've accomplished socially, I just pity myself. I pity the fool. I am the fool. I kept pushing people away and now I feel like people won't come back. The last time I hung out with someone outside of school (besides the social) was during spring break and before that, god knows when (not a religious connection). I had no birthday party because I didn't know who to invite. I didn't know who would actually talk to me. I'm not close to anyone. Whenever people ask who my best friend is, I have to respond with a "I don't have a best friend". I isolated myself because I feel incapable and uncomfortable to fully communicate and socialize with others. I feel like I have no close relationships anymore. Either I shun people away or they shun me away. I've put on this tough girl act and I don't know why. I think it covered my deep emotions. Even I didn't know how I truly felt. I bully people and say what's on my mind, because that's how I'm heard. I thought I was happy, but was it truly just a mask that concealed everything? When I think about it, I think about how lonely I am.

I don't feel like I have a use. I don't think I'm suicidal but I don't feel like I'm here.

Some days I think I'm happy. Some days I think I'm nothing. This I guess would be one of those days. I am tired living like this. I want to be social. I want to be happy. I want a real life.