[Jovial.]

Hey there sweetheart

Don't worry you really aren't alone here. I thought that when I went to college it would give me a fresh start. No one there would know anything about my past or mental illness' and that I could finally start to put myself back together and begin new. I got there and realized that I was wrong. It quickly became dangerous for me because of the exact reason that I thought would fix it. No one new me, so no one knew I had an Eating Disorder so it was very easy to hide. So trust me, you are not alone.

It can get better though, you have to work for it though. You could try letting someone know. I found that if you are accountable to someone that it makes getting out of eating a lot more difficult. You could also try rewarding yourself, it can be something as simple as every time you eat a new meal (and keep it down) you tie a new color ribbon around your wrist, creating a colorful bracelet effect. The best way that I personally have figured out how to eat and not purge at least in the begging is to eat while you are doing other things, keeping myself busy kept my mind off the need to get rid of the food.

Our body needs food to survive. Like a friend recently told me it's almost as important and oxygen. Depriving your body of nutrients isn't going to drive your recovery any easier. I am not sure where you live or what type of phone you have, but if you have one that is app friendly then there is a few different apps that you could download that could also try to help you stay on track. I use recovery road. It was developed by the National Eating Disorders Association. I have found it to be very helpful.

Just don't give up okay? You can do this. Baby steps. Let me know if you need anything else. I hope this was helpful.