[Satine]

It sounds like that feels pretty awkward for you.

The central issue seems to be that he wants a certain level of closeness, and you want another. You are both entitled to what you want, but the difference is making the relationship tricky.

Are you asking how to change him, or do you want to change something in yourself so that he seems easier to cope with? If you want to change him, then that would be next to impossible because the only person who can change him is himself.

If you want to change yourself, then is it your beliefs or your behaviours you'd rather change (or possibly both)? If you change something you believe then you may find his clingy behaviour easier to manage, and if you change something in your behaviour then he may respond differently to you (but that isn't for certain).

I don't think clinginess is gender-specific, by the way, so I doubt it's particularly a 'boy' thing.

One thing you may want to try is setting up boundaries. This means making a solid agreement with him about what you are prepared to accept and what you are not. Perhaps you might try something like, "I'm only going to check my phone once every hour, so if you don't get a reply, I want you to be aware that that is why." Decide carefully on whether or not to do this. An agreement like this is likely to lead to him feeling very anxious so it may not actually stop him from texting too much, but it might be a good way of getting him to consider what he is thinking and doing.

He may also find that you insisting on boundaries like this is too much for him to tolerate, if he really needs as much response from you as he is asking for. So be aware that this may put too much stress on the relationship. As I said, choose this path carefully. If you choose to do this, make sure you are very clear with him about what you are asking of him: tell him you'll only check your phone every however-long. If you don't clarify this, he may wonder what is happening and why you are suddenly being inexplicably distant, and may believe you are playing mind-games with him. This is best avoided. Being clear with him is the best you can do to eliminate this, although again, his anxiety may block him from really understanding that you're serious about this.

The idea of boundaries are similar with him telling you he loves you. Can you make a solid agreement with him about that? Perhaps he might insist on continuing to tell you he loves you, but that you agree that while you accept this as something he needs to do, you will both be clear about the fact that for now, you will not say it back. So long as you have communicated about this, you have done all you can do to help the relationship.

This is not guaranteed to succeed, but I think the aim here is to see if you can reconcile the differences in each of your needs for closeness. If you are unable to tolerate his, or if he finds that he needs more closeness than you are prepared to give, then you may need to think again about whether this relationship is right for you. But it may well be worth experimenting with boundaries to see if that will help you both.

Good luck!