[Ennui.]

Hi there,

I think that maybe you should speak with the counselor about what you are going through. Let your counselor know that you really feel the urge to break the contract right now because of the strong urges you are having, and that you are having a hard time with getting rid of the compulsion. Let them know what you have tried so far and how it hasn't worked. Maybe they can give you more things you do to get rid of the compulsion. If you don't see your counselor for a while, if you have their phone number or email, I bet your could try that, and they will answer.

In the meantime, if there are any friends and family members that you have that know about the self harm, you can talk to them about this. They can work some of the problems out with you so you can solve them rather than harm.

When you have the urge, maybe you can also do something like hang out with these friends and family members or go out of the house for a while, which will make it harder to self harm.

Also try and find ways to express what you are feeling, such as through writing or art, or even exercise. These things don't have to be good or extreme, the goal would just be to get out what you are feeling in a safer way.

This is a list of other alternatives you can try. Oddly enough, I find putting self harm off to be the thing that helps me the most lately. I'll stay talking in the Chat Room or finding other odds and ends to do, because eventually the urge fades like that. I'll say "I'll self harm in another hour, when I go to bed," and when that hour comes, either the urge has faded or I put it off longer.

You can do this! I do think it is important to be honest with your counselor, though, so they can help.

-Dez