[Awakening]

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so insecure. I know what it's like... I struggle with a lot of insecurities of my own. I used to self harm as well, and it was mainly for the same reasons you mentioned. I felt like I wasn't in control of my emotions and cutting myself made me feel like I was regaining control. It seemed like it was the only thing I had control over, but the more I did it the more I realized I really wasn't in control. Because I wanted to stop but I had convinced myself it was the only way to feel better and didn't know how to let it go. So right now cutting yourself might make you feel like you've finally found something you can control, but over time it will only cause more problems and make you feel out of control instead.

I think you need to start taking control of your life in other ways. You said that you have no friends at school. But I bet you can change that. When I was in school I used to think that I had no friends because no one was interested in getting to know me. But in reality I hadn't made any effort to get to know anybody else. I kept to myself and rarely talked to anyone, so even if they did want to get to know me I wasn't giving them the chance. Try to be a little bit more outgoing. Say hi to people and try to make conversation. Maybe you could join some activities or clubs at school to meet some new people. It's really not that hard to make friends with people, you just have to put yourself out there.

You said that your parents don't understand, but I think talking to them would be worth a try. They might surprise you and be more understanding than you think. If you don't feel comfortable discussing your problems with them maybe you could ask them about making an appointment to see a therapist. I know therapy doesn't sound like too much fun, but it can be really helpful and might help you work through a lot of the insecurity you're feeling. You shouldn't have to face your problems alone and talking to someone about them could be really beneficial to you.

I think you should find some kind of coping mechanism that helps you let out some of your emotions. Cutting might seem like it's helping you to cope, but there are a lot of other alternatives that can be an outlet for your emotions without causing you even more problems. There's actually a list of some here.

You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way that you do. Everyone has problems, no matter how great their lives might look to others. And a lot of people struggle with finding ways to cope with those problems. It's a completely normal thing to go through. I think almost everyone has chosen a negative way to cope with things at least once in their lives. None of us are perfect. We all have to go through things like this and learn how to cope with things more positively. I'm confident that you'll get through this and that in doing so you will find a better way to handle these kinds of problems in the future.

If you ever need somebody to talk to feel free to send me a message anytime I'll try my best to help. Hang in there