[mindflower]

I just can't take this feeling, I hate this random, but wrecking sadness inside of me, I can't do it anymore.
I could die and no one would care, no one would notice, I'm invisible and no one needs me. Matthew, I can already tell I'll never be what he deserves, I'm not this perfect girl for the perfect guy that he is, and I'm trying so hard to not be sad for his sake but I can't bottle it up for much longer. Mimi, I know she's having a rough time at times maybe but sometimes I just don't know if I exist to her because I try to scream out to people begging for help but no one sees it? My friends, my family, the cast, no one sees that I'm suffocating. I'm being buried alive.
I just... I want to die. I've had these suicidal thoughts all night, thoughts of cutting myself again which I probably will do this week if not tonight, thoughts of just... gone. Done with. Curiosity about how the teachers would respond. If Matthew would come to my funeral. What they'd dress me in. Who'd find my body. Would anyone have tried to stop me?
Probably not.
I'm nothing.
I deserve to be nothing.