[emma01]

Hello everyone! Oh wow I type this and realise my font and colour choice is still the same! Oh my goodness me!

I first came on here about October 2009, when I began restricting what I ate - and I must have left here sometime in 2011 - after being in hospital!
WOW lots has happened! I am now a month off being 20 years old but I have had the rockiest last five years I tell you. When I first came on in 2009, I was at the very very beginning of something I did not realise would steal so much of my life. And I am writing this to you because I think there will be people in my position and maybe if I can just try and convince one person to seek help, then this post is not a waste.

I was diagnosed (anorexia nervosa) in February 2010, and 2010 consisted of weekly bloods, weigh ins and vital checks, also weekly counselling, fortnightly dietician appointments and monthly ECGs. December 1st 2010 my weight was so dangerously low I was admitted for a medical stay in the Childrens Hospital, NG tube placed in, a heap of food and 2.5 weeks later I was discharged, and discharged from all treatment December 14th 2011.
2012 was my last year of high school, and in January 2013, a trip to Australia saw my very lowest weight ever and well into 'extreme' anorexia. By November 2013, my weight had climbed a bit, but I no longer wanted Anorexia - and I realised that to study Nursing in 2014 I had to be well. So, since December 2013, I have entered recovery full steam ahead. I have nearly doubled in weight actually since my lowest, had to reach a nearly overweight BMI to finally be happy, have my periods return and start to see the mental side of the illness abate.

I say, I am 95% recovered. I still sometimes wish I had stayed so small, but then I wouldn't be living the life I am now. I am happy, I am socializing again, getting all my friends back and making new ones. What you don't realise with anorexia is that it keeps you stuck in one point of life, all your friends move on, and what I notice is now I am still mentally a 15 year old. I have a long long way to come now to catch up. I don't know how to use tampons, I just brought my first bra, I have never had a boyfriend, I have gone to a dressy event possibly three times in my life, all my friends are flatting yet I am still so dependent on my mum....im nearly 20 years old!

I have learned so much, and when I graduate I want to work with children and teens with anorexia - because I know recovery is possible. I have made so many new friends through facebook support groups - and when I think about it, I wouldn't change my journey for the world. But I was one of the lucky ones, I pulled through unscathed. There is no guarantee your journey will be as medically stable as mine. Don't waste five years of your life, or more, because some people are left with life-long disabilities...and they do regret their journey.
Remember, anorexia will not win in the end. You will have to gain weight or you will die. You can choose to gain the weight yourself, or do it in hospital but one day you will be caught out.

I wish you all the best, and I hope to stick around to put what I know to good use. Pleased to be back a much healthier and more mature person

Emma