[Paint]

Hey there.

Can I just tell you that I'm in the exact situation, except with my anxiety? I know how hard it must be to not be able to reach out for help through your parents. My parents are wonderful but they don't like admitting that anything could be wrong with me, so I stopped telling them about my anxiety years ago. Living with it silently has been a nightmare, but there is good news - we don't have to suffer in silence!

Your parents are not your only ticket for getting help. Coincidentally, last week I reached out to my friend after about six years of having this terrible anxiety. She told me how her dad is a psychologist AND a pastor, so he would be willing to talk to me. We're scheduled to just meet up and chat on Friday. What I'm trying to say is that you can also do the same - reaching out to a friend and asking them if their parents can help you out. Or perhaps a school counselor? Really any adult in your life that you can think of can probably help you.

Now if you're anything like me, I know what you must be thinking - "yeah but my parents will find out that I did that and get even more upset." Here's what you can try and do - tell your parents that if they don't understand, then you're going to have to go to other sources. Explain to them that living like this has gotten so much harder and that this isn't like a broken arm where the pain is visible. Say that this is internal pain, something you cannot prove to them exists. Be honest with them like you are with us. You could even write a note.

Reaching out to other people should be the last resort, after letting your parents know that you'd have to do that if it gets this bad. Upsetting your parents cannot stop you from reaching out for help, especially when it comes to something so serious.

Lastly, if you go to the doctor for a physical (literally, any kind of doctor. Eye doctor, dentist, anything), you can explain your situation. Even if it's your dentist, they may not be able to give you any help, but they can maybe steer you in which direction to go. It'd work out great if you are seeing your regular doctor anytime soon.

I also want to address your self-harming. I know it's going to be so difficult, but maybe this can help you get to a doctor: tell your parents. If you show them this is how serious you are, they might open their eyes up. I hope you don't self-harm every time it gets this bad because I promise you there are better ways. Check this thread out if you ever need to get a quick distraction.

I just want to mention that my PM/VM is always open. We can talk more and figure out a solution for this. Just don't give up because you've held strong for so long - you wouldn't want all that to go to waste would you?