[Lelo]

So this poem is intended to become spoken word but I thought I would share it. This poem reflects my journey to acceptance of being gay and the bad decisions I made along the way, I hope you guys like it.

They told me ‘I wouldn’t judge you if you were, but I really don’t think your gay’
I knew they wrong but still I said ‘okay’
Because I wanted so badly for them to be right
I was only 11
The burdens should have been light
But here I was wondering if I would get into heaven
And I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stay here and fight

Could I make up for not loving the opposite gender
Or would I have to live my life forever pretender
All I could hear was the words ‘being gay is a choice’
So I said to myself ‘than I refuse to be queer”
And with those six small words, gone was my voice
No longer did I have to live in unbearable fear
Who knew lies would be my greatest defender

Instead of admitting my feelings for my female best friend
I was determined to love a boy that would mend…
Mend me that is
Change the base of my inner most desire
Fix me that is
Make the lust for boobs into a love for balls, put out the fire
Give me his strength, he had enough to lend

Little did I know his strength was not will power
No it was his fist to my face that forced me to cower
And the painful touch of his hands I will never forget
As they found their way to places I had never wanted him to explore
If you look real closely his fingerprints remain, I bet
Though my brain told me no I kept crawling back for more
Because the idea of loving a boy would be the thing to overpower

And for months upon months I tried my best to love him
Never forgetting that girl, but my chances were slim
Because they told me ‘we chose to be gay’
And who chose to be second class citizens damned to hell
Despite the actions of our the activist who for us they slay
But if she ever saw more than just a friend I couldn’t tell
But still I dived into the ocean of pride, ready to swim

I found strength to leave the boy who broke me
Finding a way to be all that I could be
Because being gay was not a choice but acting on it was
And who wouldn’t want to be an amazing bursting rainbow
So I waved my flag high for all that it does
The world swirling round like a fucking tornado
And in that moment, that girl turned around to see