[ElectricWizard]

So here's my little mini story of what happened today and yesterday. A friend of mine pulled me aside, it's obvious that he likes emma too, and that he knows about her bisexuality and he's making a big deal out of it. And he says to me, he thinks I can't take anymore pain, and it won't end well, and due to her bisexuality, she'll leave me for her gay friend or another guy. He thought I should leave her before I get into anymore pain. I've felt differently recently :/ I think I'm coming to terms with it, but I'll be fine. Emma went berserk, he friend also, I caused so much when I told them. But it upset me as we'll as them. I'm an easily convinced person sometimes, I thought she would leave me, because of her being distant recently. so I went into the library and sat there, I felt numb, I didn't feel in love, she came up, but only to see her friend, she saw me though and checked on me. The rest of the day was pretty mellow, and I felt in love by the end of it!

In the last 24 hours, I've had 3 panic attacks. I don't want to make this much about me, but each night I have my phone by my side, incase anybody messages me and needs help, whoever the person is. Anyway, they take the phone away, so people can't message me if they need me :/ that night, I was able to talk to Emma using my iPod, I dropped off on accident, missed a couple of messages in the early hours, I felt guilty about it. But that night, I yanked at my hair, I punched myself, which is a form of self harm. I needed to know whether she was ok, I need to slow it down I know, take it easy, but I just lost it. For the first time in weeks, I felt triggered, I had urges. The second panic attack was in maths. My stomach was in knots, my chest was tight, I couldn't stop shaking. And that panic attack happened because of a she loves me/she loves me not phase. Third time was only a few hours ago, my parents made me have it, they took my phone off me again...

I realise I have problems too, I need help, and I need to stay strong for Emma, the one I love...