[ElectricWizard]

I don't know what the hell happened yesterday. It all started at my friends house, we walked to his friends house and she had some booze to take to the party. Only 4 cans of strongbow and a bottle of vodka. I'm never the one to drink and drink and drink. I do get drunk though, I know my stopping point. So we smuggled the booze and went to the party. As we entered, emma entered as well. She had 3 cans of carling. So we needed and greeted with other people, then I asked for a can of strongbow, downed it fairly quickly, had various bits and bobs after but no vodka, I'll never have vodka. Emma's dad pulled me aside and asked me to calm it down and I did, I don't drink much after that. But Emma got really drunk. I sat next to her and she said 'kiss me' and so I kissed her, she's never been like this before, not the emma I know. And so I lie my head down in her lap and she kisses me. I was really down. A friend looked after me, he's amazing and I can't thank him enough. But emma had no time to consult to her drunken boyfriend, she'd rather dance and drunkenly talk to others. At one point, she took me outside to this dark alleyway. I sobered up quite well by then, but she was still downing the drinks. She hugged me and I kissed her and embarrassingly took a selfie with her. She said various drum ken remarks like 'that chair is staring at me' and 'sorry I've let you down' and finally, before this little moment ended 'what if my dad thinks we're having sex? Who has sex? It's horrible' she was so drunk and it probably added to how down in was. I didn't want to go home, I felt like running out of the party venue and at one point I just walked off and luckily 2 friends followed me and pulled me back in. I wanted to cut or at least do something, so I twiddled and twiddled at my hair...at one point, I didn't drunk at all, I was straight edge and I quit it. I didn't feel loved last night, I didn't feel cared about, but I was and I just don't realise it. Life sucks. Nobody cares, I'm sick and tired of running after everybody constantly, and nobody runs for me...