Hey there,
I am sorry that things are so hard for you right now.
Firstly, if you feel that you are at risk, please go to the emergency room IMMEDIATELY or call a friend or family, try not to be alone.
Is there anything in particular that helped in improving your mental health back in February? If you are not aware of the factors that helped you out, then maybe you could try to introspect and find out about them. Were there any positive situational changes around you that could have aided in the process?
I noticed in a previous post of yours that you have taken professional help in the past. Was it helpful? Are you currently receiving any help for your depression? If not, then it is something that you should look into. Since your depression has been returning, it is necessary that you find out the causes behind it and learn the necessary coping skills you need to come out of it and also to prevent it from returning in the future.
Also, have you ever tried medicines? If not, then you can talk about it with your counsellor or even a general physician and ask for a referral. You can also directly consult a psychiatrist for this and discuss whether or not medicines could be beneficial for you.
Have you been able to identify what triggers your depression? If not, that is a good place to start. You need to be aware of the things that put you in this emotional state so that you can deal with such situations more effectively in the future. One way to become aware about the causes is by keeping a journal in which you can note down the incidents taking place in your life and the emotions that they evoke inside you. You can also write down how you dealt with negative events and whether or not you were able to cope with them. This will help you to identify where you lack in coping with negative situations and thus identify the exact problem.
Once you've started identifying the reasons, you can work on them one by one. You are welcome to write to us about them or you can talk to a professional about them. There are other people in your life as well that you can speak to such as a friend, a colleague, or any family member. Here is a list of people that can help you-
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...o-can-help-me/
Depression makes it really difficult for us to see hope. It completely clouds our mind and takes away all energy. But it is important that we recognize what it is capable of as that information can help us to fight it. I know that it seems like things will never improve, but the truth is that they will. There are resources that you can use to help you get better such as the professionals. There are treatments, therapies, support groups and thousands of people who genuinely care.
Try to invest some time in activities that give you happiness. This could be watching a good movie, doing volunteer work, making efforts towards a dream career, indulging in adventure sports etc. Do you know what gives you happiness? If not, then how about exploring new things and trying out some new experiences? Who knows what you might end up finding! Try to find out the little, everyday things that give you happiness. Also, it might help you to set up some long term goals that will make you happy and give you a reason to live. These could things like be a dream job or a trip to a dream destination. Here is a list of reasons to live that might help you to come up with a list of your own-
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f11-d...-reasons-live/
This CAN get better. You deserve happiness and can definitely experience it. It is really not worth it to end your life and give up on the beautiful future that awaits you. If your future seems dismal, then you can work towards making it seem brighter. And there are people who'd love to support and guide you on the way. Reach out to them.
I hope that this helps a bit.
Please feel free to get in touch if you'd like to chat or would just like someone who can listen.
Stay strong.