[buttlumps]

Dear Parents,
I can hear you.
I can hear your urgent whispers from around the corner
Please don't pretend that we are happy when I know you think my disorders are a joke.
I heard you say you think I'm pretending.
That I'm just trying to blackmail you for attention, or an easier ride at school.
Its not true.
I cant help this
I cant stop this thing that is apart of me
It is me.
I can hear you
every word burns from my ears to my heart to my stomach.
sitting there poisoning me from the inside out like a serpents venom
I need you to know I'm trying my best.
But living here is tearing me apart.
I can't handle the whispers any longer
I wont listen any longer
to the words that are dissolving my insides just like I hoped the bleach would.
You say I lie to you constantly.
that is true.
I don't want to leave behind the dark that follows so closely behind me.
breaking anything it touches
anything it touches
anything i touch
I don't tell you the truth because I know it would kill you to hear
it would destroy you inside to know how i feel
how i want to feel a blade on my skin
How my boyfriend dumped me because all I do is hurt those closest to me.
how I cant sleep
how i wake up crying because some nights i can still taste the cleaning fluid in my mouth, burning its way through me
crying because i'm so pathetic
crying because you think i have no future.
lying so you don't know that i can hear
every
single
word.