Hi Booker. I think it might be a good idea for you to try to contact some of the people you have wronged in the past and apologize to them. Knowing that you have changed for the better and now regret what you did might make the victims feel better about what they went through. More importantly, it might give both them and you a sense of closure about the whole thing. It's important that you try and forgive yourself. Remember that people grow and change, and the person you are now is clearly different than the person you were then. Don't get too stuck in the past. If you don't like where you've been, try going in a new direction. Helping people was a brave try.
Speaking of which, don't feel bad about your troubles with helping people. Helping people can be very complicated. Sometimes people's personalities don't mix well. Sometimes people misunderstand each other. Sometimes something that sounds sarcastic in one's head may come out sounding literal on the screen. Sometimes people just want to be angry or upset and don't actually want help. There are many reasons help may not be successful. But it matters that you tried to do the right thing. You took valuable time out of your day, time that you will never get back, and used it to try and help people when I'm sure you could have used it doing things you liked better instead. That's something to be proud of.
You are going through many changes as a person. At thirteen your body and mind are still developing, and all kinds of hormones are running through your body. And the world around you is constantly changing as well. In a lot of ways new schools are basically new worlds. New teachers, new classmates, new standards, new rules. And getting older means new expectations. All of this can be very stressful.
Everything is changing all at once. Try to give yourself some time to absorb everything that's going on.
This may sound weird, but it's very important to get in touch with the things you like and the things you care about. Hobbies, friends, etc. At thirteen, you are still discovering who you are, and focusing on your interests will help you figure that out. Plus, exploring your activities and interests will give you a sense of your own strengths and weaknesses. It will help you get to know yourself better.
Once you have a strong sense of self, you will be able to stand through your own strength, without having to put down others to feel strong. Once you know who you are it will be easier to figure out where you want to go. Not knowing who you are or where you want to go, and feeling like you don't have a place where you belong, can be very scary. But once you know what your interests are, and your strengths and weaknesses, you'll be able to figure out where to go from there.
I agree with Fallingstargirl. You will be going to a new school soon, where you will be able to turn a new leaf. Like I said, think of it as a new world, a blank slate. Make an effort to meet new people. Join clubs that interest you. Form a community, and find places where you feel like you belong. Give yourself a new start.
Also, I'm really sorry to hear that the moderators were mean to you. It really hurts when you put your story out there and made yourself vulnerable, and yet the people who were supposed to help you hurt you instead. Many of the people on here seem to be very nice though, so hopefully this will still be a welcoming and supportive community for you.
If you want to talk about anything that's going on, or to just vent, always feel free to
PM me.