[Always *]

I had an internship for my school - it was required to graduate. I turned down this great position for another one because initially it seemed like my boss lady was going to be really cool and that there was a lot of room for creative freedom because the organization was looking to grow. Turns out that her enthusiasm masked a dysfunctional lunatic who would contribute to making my last semester a living hell. She caused me so much anxiety, bearing in mind that I have generalized anxiety disorder. In any case I (stupidly) agreed to stay on past the end of the semester because I (nobly) wanted to finish off my projects.

It's a living hell though. I ended up being way busier trying to find full time adult work and couldn't contribute as much as I had intended. I had to explain this to her 3 times, because she's to stupid to figure anything out. One day I shut off my phone because I knew she wanted to talk but I was busy and the mere thought of talking to her filled me with extremely intense dread.

I ended up exaggerating later and telling her that the following week I would be out of town and probably too busy to talk on the phone cause I'd either be not home or in a situation where I'd have no privacy. It's bad enough having to talk on the phone in private but it causes so much anxiety if people are sitting there watching me. It was all true BUT I could have gotten some privacy if I needed it. I just couldn't deal with talking to her. It's a lot easier to email her because I can just type the words and don't have to deal with HER.

Then I tried telling her that who ever is uploading the videos to YouTube needed to give them titles and tags relevant to the topic of the video. The last 4 videos had been named after the organization and it was starting to have to get extremely annoying having to go fix the persons mistakes. I had to explain this 2 times because my initial, detailed explanation apparently didn't suffice. This is a recurring problem where I state something clearly and she is to fucking stupid to get it. Telling someone who's job is in marketing to give a video a relevant title, not the title of the organization, isn't rocket science. It's a pretty basic concept. But hey, guess what, yet another video showed up with the same title problem so I sent her another email begging her to tell the person to stop doing that and told her straight up that it was annoying that I was constantly having to fix that persons mistakes.

Then, to top it off, it is impossible to deal with anyone else. I am trying to plan these educational videos, but no one is ever available. I get it, they're busy. But I am trying to gear up to quit and I am not going to produce any of them at this rate. Which is fine, but I don't think they realize that I am planning to quit.

They know I am quitting just not when. And I literally have max 1 month left. Now I know that I have to tell the boss lady I am quitting and give her a definite deadline. But I also know that she'll make the conversation 100% more agonizing and painful than it needs to be just because she is a total lunatic. I've known my decision for a little over a week now and I know I'm running out of time but the idea of talking to her is so so horrible. After all, she's mostly why I refuse to keep volunteering. I mean, there is a whole ton of reasons but the horrible, intense anxiety she causes me is a huge part of it.

I was considering talking to the director instead because I think we all have problems with this lady and I would really love to let him know how horrible I think she is because maybe they can find someone more competent once her contract is up.

I know what I need to do; telling her (somehow) but I also need a reference. Even asking her for a reference is super sketch because I do not trust her. Like I said, talking to her causes A LOT of anxiety. She'll make me feel like shit for not sticking around to make the videos. But I already feel bad about that AND if it's this hard to make videos when I live in to area it'll get way worse when I live 2 hours away.

She made me miserable this semester and she made me feel totally unprepared to get a job in the real world. I have enough trouble believing in myself without her totally screwing me over in the way that she did. I learned nothing from her and it ruined my experience.

I just need a practical way to deal with this awful anxiety so I can face her long enough to get through this conversation.