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Re: Cutting again and stuff to do with my boyfriend (long rant) -
December 22nd 2015, 08:17 AM
Thanks for responding. I will consider emdr. I am gonna bring a list of doctors into my psychiatrist and see who he suggests. If he can't make any suggestions then I'll just read what I can about the therapist and makes calls. There are two therapists I am interested in but they are in the same office as my dad's therapist. My dad said he would ask his therapist about them but he might not see his therapist for a while.
My therapist suggested two therapist but they don't take my insurance. I suppose I could message her about that and see if she could make other suggestions but I am a little nervous about the.
I could possibly go back to the hospital after I move my boyfriend but he'll be staying with my dad and I until he can figure out housing and I don't know how comfortable he'd be with that if I wasn't around.
I did take antibiotics today because I got scared. I probably shouldn't be inconsistent but my leg was itchy and kind of hurting and it scared me. I might get over that fear tomorrow and stop taking them again. I did put neosporin on them tonight. The bottle is super small though so I don't know how long it will last. I could use epsom salt but the er doctor told me to keep the wound dry.
I have this sick obsession with letting the infection get worse and needing to be hospitalized and getting a break from all the stress but then I also get scared of doing that. I also wanted to save these antibiotics in cases I cut deep next time and get an infection.
I am on speaking terms with my boyfriend right now but I know the closer we get to the holidays and his departure I'll get angrier and distance myself. I don't want to but I also don't want to talk to him and say something mean that I would regret. I doubt he'll text me much though and I won't text him because I am not gonna bother him on his trip.
We've found a short term solution to his problem. It will last a little less then a year but it should be enough time for him to find a job.
If I can't get my cutting under control I am going to have to go inpatient again or something. My area has no outpatient care....at least not that I could find but when I get in with my new therapist I might ask them about them as a worst case scenario.
I'll get through this I am just overwhelmed a bit. This is understandable given everything that is going on. But, with time I think it will get better. my boyfriend is confident of that. I am not so confident but I am a pessimist.
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